IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Your child is going on a trip to another country for 3 days. School is looking for some parents who can join the trip and you decided to apply for the same. You are interested in going with trip. Write a letter to the head of the school and include: – Why you want to join the team – What you can do to assist – Queries related to the trip.

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Dear Mrs. Smith, I am Tanya Jackson mother of Mia Jackson from 3rd grade. I am writing to ask you about the upcoming 3-day
trip
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 to another country that the school has planned to take the children on. I am really interested in joining the
trip
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 as I can be really helpful on the
trip
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. The main reason I would love to accompany the group is because I am well acquainted with most of Mia's friends and their parents, so having a familiar face on board will surely make it more relaxed for the children and their parents.
Furthermore
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, I was part of a school activity club previously and I am well experienced in handling a group of enthusiastic young children which can immensely help the teachers.
Besides
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, I travel a lot with my elder child so I am well aware and experienced of all the situations that we might come up with on a
trip
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. If you agree for me to join, I would like to ask a few questions,
firstly
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, are the dates of the
trip
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 fixed if yes I would like to know, please, as I need to apply for leave at my workplace,
also
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 if you have locked the plan for the
trip
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 please do share it with me as I can plan for some fun activities
accordingly
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. I look forward to a positive reply. Yours Sincerely, Tanya Jackson.

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coherence cohesion
The letter is well-structured and logically progresses through each of the required points. However, ensuring absolute clarity in expressing why you want to join might enhance comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into shorter ones to ensure each point stands out clearly, aiding readability.
task achievement
Double-check for minor grammatical and punctuation errors to enhance the overall professionalism of the letter.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately polite and create a positive tone.
task achievement
The writing tone is very suitable for a formal letter to a school head, demonstrating respect and interest.
task achievement
The letter thoroughly covers all the required points, explaining why you want to join, how you can assist, and posing relevant questions about the trip.
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