IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

The universal use of
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 has become a defining feature of modern living, with many people spending a substantial amount of their spare time on them. In my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 pattern has evolved for a variety of reasons. For starters, rapid technological advancements have made
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 more accessible and inexpensive, allowing individuals to keep in touch with others and obtain information instantaneously.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the growth of social media and other online platforms has fostered a feeling of community and social approval, which many individuals value. On the other side, I feel
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend. Smartphones have facilitated communication and information retrieval, but they have
also
Linking Words
 reduced face-to-face encounters and deep thought. Nowadays, people are more inclined to skim through their social media feeds or watch videos than participate in meaningful conversations or read books.
Furthermore
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,
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
' continuous messages and diversions might cause greater tension and anxiety.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our over-reliance on
cell
Use synonyms
phones
Use synonyms
 has had a negative influence on our physical and psychological health.
For example
Linking Words
, the American Academy of Sleep Medicine discovered that excessive smartphone usage before bedtime disrupts sleep patterns, resulting in weariness, impaired cognitive performance, and other health issues.
Furthermore
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, prolonged screens and blue light exposure can induce eye strain, headaches, and dry eyes.
To conclude
Linking Words
 what was being said,
while
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 smartphones have undoubtedly improved our lives in certain areas, their overuse is a detrimental trend. We must aim for a balance between digital and in-person encounters, emphasize genuine connections above social validation, and take precautions to safeguard our physical and emotional health. By doing so, we can ensure a more sustainable and satisfying future for ourselves.

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Overall
Consider offering a more balanced view by discussing some potential positives of smartphone usage to make the essay more nuanced and thorough.
Task Response
Work on fully developing each idea with more specific examples or evidence to make the arguments stronger and well-rounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensuring each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next can improve the flow of your essay. Using more varied linking words can help with this.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
Logical Structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic.
Supported Main Points
Relevant points are made about the accessibility of smartphones, their impact on social behavior, and their health implications.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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