IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Smartphone
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 usage has become
such
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 a significant addiction that individuals devote a considerable portion of their leisure
time
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 to these devices. As far as I am aware, it is quite common to see people spending their remaining free
time
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 in virtual environments.
However
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, as long as they
also
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 participate in activities that involve social interaction,
this
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 can be considered acceptable.
Firstly
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, individuals often perceive virtual reality as a safe environment where they are not judged or disrespected and can express their true selves. Research indicates that virtual reality has been associated with increased heart rate variability, an indicator of relaxation and comfort. Other studies suggest that approximately 80% of seniors feel less socially isolated when engaging in virtual experiences.
Secondly
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, compared to hobbies that require preparation and coordination, using a
smartphone
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 is effortless. Activities
such
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 as going to the gym or meeting friends are more difficult to
organize
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organise
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, which leads many people to spend
time
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 on their devices
instead
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. From personal experience, I have
also
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 found myself absorbed in my phone when I should have gone to the gym during my leisure
time
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, simply because it was easier.
Consequently
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, I have not attended the gym for four weeks.
Finally
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, it can be affirmed that
smartphone
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 use has become a major addiction. People tend to use their phones either for entertainment or as a means of retreating into a safe space.
While
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this
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 habit can reduce stress, as demonstrated by studies, it
also
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 has disadvantages,
such
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 as causing individuals to neglect other productive activities.
Therefore
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, society must acknowledge
this
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 reality and strive to
maximize
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maximise
show examples
 the positive aspects of
smartphone
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 usage
while
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minimizing
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minimising
show examples
 its negative effects.

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task
Plan your answer: start with a clear view in one sentence. End with a short conclusion that repeats this view.
coherence
Keep all ideas in one order. Use words that show how ideas are connected.
accuracy
Check facts. Some claims about 'virtual reality and heart rate' or '80% of seniors' may need safe sources or be less exact.
content
Give one strong reason for why phone use is good and one for why it is bad, then add a small example for each.
style
Use shorter sentences. Break long sentences into two. This helps the reader.
task response
The essay keeps to the topic and asks about both parts of the question.
cohesion
There are clear links between ideas using words like firstly, secondly, finally.
content
Personal example and reference to studies help show reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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