In many government like to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However some think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

#government #money #arts #people #think #health #education #side

The

government

spends significant money on different items

such

as the educational system, healthcare, and

art

. In some

countries

, the

government

pays more attention to

art

, some people argue that it would be better to spend financial resources on having high-quality services for

education

and

health

. I will discuss both views in

this

essay. It is true that investment in

art

leads

countries

to have a more comprehensive culture by providing cognitive development for people.

Additionally

art

can be a healthy entertainment for children too. It can help

countries

make an efficient heritage for their future.

For example

use

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

a huge amount of the budget for making a museum will be a beneficial act for the

counry

Correct your spelling

country

county

and

it's

Replace the word

its

show examples

residents.

On the other hand

, spending on

health

and

education

is a vital item for every society, especially for non-development

countries

firstly

education

is a necessary portion of communities, the

government

should allocate enough money to address nurturing educated persons who play a crucial role in society.

secondly

, having a competent approach to boosting the

health

level of

countries

is one of the major duties of the state,

for example

, facilities like hospitals, adequate medical resources, and various expertise.

Finally

, without enhancing these two items

government

will face difficulties in the future. In conclusion,

while

attention to

education

and

health

is a necessary attitude for every country, I suppose it would be better to contribute

art

as an efficient material too. Having a balanced and well-managed approach to

this

topic will be the best decision.

Submitted by ostorr7213 on Mon Jun 17 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that you elaborate more on the examples provided. For instance, explain how museums contribute specifically to culture and cognitive development.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity. For example, 'investment in art leads countries to have' should be 'investment in art leads countries towards' and 'use a huge amount of the budget for making a museum' should be 'allocating a significant portion of the budget for building a museum.'

coherence cohesion

Provide a bit more detail in the introduction and conclusion to enhance the logical structure. This will make your argument clearer and stronger.

task achievement

The essay discusses both sides of the argument, providing a complete response to the question.

coherence cohesion

The main points are clear and the essay includes specific examples, making the argument more convincing.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

allocate
lavish
cultivate
preserve
heritage
promote
enrich
stimulate
patronage
advocate
allocate
funding
essential
accessible
improve
enhance
well-being
invest
research
infrastructure

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In many government like to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However some think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

The plans below show the layout of a university’s sports centre now, and how it will look after redevelopment.

The best way for the government to solve the traffic congestion problems in cities is to provide free bus service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties having enough sleep what are problems caused by lack of sleep? What can be done about this lack of sleep?

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.