Experts say if the old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday will be healthier and happier. However, many elderlies are suffering from loneliness and lack of fitness. Discuss the cause and solution.
In recent years, many elderlies have been facing isolation and degradation in
health
. Furthermore
, some experts argue that if old citizens engage in some activities such
as daily exercise will be better for their health
.
To begin
, a lot of seniors feel lonely and this
affects their mental and body health
. However
, the community should play the main performance in encouraging these crowds who belong to this
age category, one example, letting old people
engage in different neighbourhood occasions.In addition
, many retirees feel bad about themselves due to
they do not have any role
in society
, so families should be aware of this
problem.To avoid this
, older people
should play a significant role
in any community activities. Also
, society
could benefit from older citizens in consultations because of their expertise.Also
, society
could benefit older citizens to be a monitor or guiding teenagers.
On the other hand
, from the health
perspective, the spot should be enlightenment on the importance of exercises to keep mental and body well-being.Likewise
, the health
authorities should invite the seniors to be a part of exercises by making them do the types which are appropriate for their age , for example
, walking and doing yoga. The reason many elderly avoid training, they are fear of injuring themselves. So, educating the old citizen about the importance of physical movement for their fitness would help in enhancing their mental and general health
.
To conclude
, scientists say if older spend time in action with others and do some routine exercise will be healthier and happier, so educating elderly people
about the significant role
of exercise in mental and body strength. Also
, the community should play a role
in encouraging old people
to engage in society
.Submitted by enass on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay provides a solid discussion on the causes and solutions related to the loneliness and lack of fitness among elderly people. However, some points can be elaborated further to provide a more robust argument. Specifically, you can explain in more detail how loneliness directly affects mental and physical health.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is generally well-structured, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Phrases like 'To begin,' and 'On the other hand' are a good start, but including more linking words and phrases will help improve the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Be consistent with terminology; the essay uses 'elders,' 'older citizens,' and 'seniors' interchangeably. Stick to one term to avoid confusion. Also, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that need correction. For example, 'from the health perspective, the spot should be enlightenment on the importance of exercises' could be rephrased for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear closing statement, which is important for coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both aspects of the prompt—causes and solutions—ensuring that you thoroughly cover the topic as required.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...