IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

write a referral letter to a cardiologist

#cardiologist
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Re:
Use synonyms
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
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 Brett
Collister
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 Thanks for seeing
Mr
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. Brett
Collister
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, a 45-year-old factory foreman, who requires your
further
Linking Words
 assessment and management to control his blood sugar.
Mr
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.
Collister
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 presented with a 6-week history of tiredness, sore eyes, and visual impairment to our clinic today. His vital signs were stable and his body mass index (BMI) had reduced from 29.7 to 28.4. Blood test results revealed high fasting and random blood sugar. His Hb A1c was high as well (8.4%).
Additionally
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, he has hyperlipidemia. He has been visited with the diagnosis of upper respiratory tract infection recurrently and has been managed with antibiotics within the
last
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 year. He has had intermittent joint pain in his shoulder and his knee, which were managed with conservative treatment.
Mr
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.
Collister
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 has a history of infectious mononucleosis several years back and he does not have any known drug allergy. I would appreciate it if you could visit him at your earliest convenience to start the best medication for him. Yours sincerely, Doctor
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

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task achievement
Ensure to include more specific details about the patient's cardiac history to make the referral more comprehensive. For instance, mention any previous cardiovascular assessments or symptoms related to heart issues.
coherence cohesion
Consider creating clearer paragraph distinctions, especially between different types of medical histories (e.g., current issues, past treatments). This can enhance the logical structure and readability of the letter.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear and respectful greeting and closing, which is appropriate for professional medical correspondence.
task achievement
The medical conditions and patient's history are well-detailed and relevant to the referral purpose.
suitable writing tone
The writing tone is suitably professional and adequately formal for a referral letter.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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