In many countries, governments spemd large amounts of money on the arts and this is supported by some taxpayers as worthwhile. Others, however think that this money would be better spent on health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these opinions? Discuss, based on your knowledge and experience.

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We see that many countries especially situated in Asia, focus more on health and education rather than arts.

This

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is because it is backed by the people paying taxes in those areas. I strongly agree with

this

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viewpoint and will discuss it in detail in the following paragraphs.

Firstly

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, Governments in many countries are limited in spending their money and they prioritize their tasks

accordingly

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. The most important factor in the eyes of the state is to save human lives and provide them with education for a better future. Individuals are struggling to find jobs that pay well and fulfil their necessities which could be achieved if they have the right knowledge and are physically fit.

For example

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, in Canada, scholarships are being granted to students who opt for Masters studies and do some research in their field.

Also

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, I believe, the initiative taken by the state to support the educational system is helping the technological advancement in the utilization of limited resources available in a better way.

Secondly

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, health and education directly affect the individual's life

whereas

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Arts only contribute to the leisure part of one's life.

This

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means that if a person is feeling sick could face severe consequences if not being treated and if one is not properly informed could end up being dependent on others for his livelihood which is not the case with having lack of artistic activities.

For example

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, during the pandemic government provided health assistance and subsidies to save lives and prioritized saving people

above all

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other factors.

To conclude

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, it is considered to the benefit of the state that the folks are both physically and mentally healthy. To

fulfill

Change the spelling

fulfil

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it, they spent the most money on upgrading their departments that provide

such

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assistance and not on leisure artistic stuff.

mannadarshpal13Mon Jun 17 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Ensure that your introduction is clearer and provides a succinct overview of what each paragraph will discuss. This can help the reader understand your main points from the onset.

complete response

Work on providing more balance in your argument. While you support the idea of spending on health and education, also briefly discuss the opposing viewpoint in more detail to show a well-rounded understanding.

introduction conclusion present

Extend your conclusion to succinctly summarize your main points and restate why, based on the arguments presented, you hold your position.

logical structure

Improve flow by using more varied linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs more seamlessly.

relevant specific examples

Your essay includes relevant specific examples that effectively support your main points. For instance, mentioning Canada’s scholarships and the government's actions during the pandemic adds weight to your argument.

clear comprehensive ideas

You present clear and comprehensive ideas, making it evident which side you support and why.

logical structure

The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphs addressing specific points related to the topic.

10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

297 words

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Traditional ideas from older people about the way to live and behave are not helpful to young people and their futures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?