IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is true that
people
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's lives have become more and more convenient because of the newest knowledge by scientists.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
science
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 can be just for a personal need, I do believe that it should be served for the whole society. In the next paragraphs, I will give two reasons to support my opinions.
To begin
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 with, there is no doubt that
science
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 can be harmful without a correct way. World War 2 has already proved how much damage could caused by the newest weapons,
such
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 as tanks, bombs, and even gas, all of which were made by the best scientists. To be more specific, if
people
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 do not use
science
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 for an ethical purpose, it could be extremely dangerous.
Hence
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, I agree that it is necessary for
science
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 to make our lives better
instead
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 of attacking each other.
Besides
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 the dangers of
science
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, I firmly believe the meaning of "
science
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" is to explain and solve many problems in daily life. In ancient times, humans discovered how to use fire to make healthier food, it stopped
people
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 from illness.
In addition
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, in the near future, there are numerous important issues waiting for
science
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 to answer ,
such
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 as how to deal with global warming, the reasons for depression and the secret of space.
To conclude
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, despite all the aims of
science
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are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 different, it should be used carefully and effectively to prevent destruction and tackle problems.
As a result
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, I firmly believe that
science
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 should aim for humans.

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clarification
While the essay is well-structured and clear in intent, there are areas where the messaging could be clearer. Be sure to concentrate on expressing your points in a more precise manner. For example, phrases like 'there is no doubt' could be replaced with more assertive language.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is satisfactory. However, it could improve by focusing more on the transition between the ideas. Using linking words like 'therefore', 'additionally', 'firstly', and 'secondly' can present the flow of your ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion of your essay are skilfully written and clearly stated. However, you could enhance your conclusion by reflecting more on the general idea of your essay instead of restating key points.
complete response
Your essay demonstrates a sound understanding of the task and answers the question adequately. Make sure to concentrate more on providing a balanced perspective by somewhat discussing the opposing viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
You have incorporated relevant examples in your essay which is commendable. To improve further, be sure to use a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. This not only makes your essay more interesting to read, but also showcases your breadth of English language competency.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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