The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is true that
people
's lives have become more and more convenient because of the newest knowledge by scientists.
While
some
people
argue that
science
can be just for a personal need, I do believe that it should be served for the whole society. In the next paragraphs, I will give two reasons to support my opinions.
To begin
with, there is no doubt that
science
can be harmful without a correct way. World War 2 has already proved how much damage could caused by the newest weapons,
such
as tanks, bombs, and even gas, all of which were made by the best scientists. To be more specific, if
people
do not use
science
for an ethical purpose, it could be extremely dangerous.
Hence
, I agree that it is necessary for
science
to make our lives better
instead
of attacking each other.
Besides
the dangers of
science
, I firmly believe the meaning of "
science
" is to explain and solve many problems in daily life. In ancient times, humans discovered how to use fire to make healthier food, it stopped
people
from illness.
In addition
, in the near future, there are numerous important issues waiting for
science
to answer ,
such
as how to deal with global warming, the reasons for depression and the secret of space.
To conclude
, despite all the aims of
science
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
different, it should be used carefully and effectively to prevent destruction and tackle problems.
As a result
, I firmly believe that
science
should aim for humans.
Submitted by vincent3725416 on

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clarification
While the essay is well-structured and clear in intent, there are areas where the messaging could be clearer. Be sure to concentrate on expressing your points in a more precise manner. For example, phrases like 'there is no doubt' could be replaced with more assertive language.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is satisfactory. However, it could improve by focusing more on the transition between the ideas. Using linking words like 'therefore', 'additionally', 'firstly', and 'secondly' can present the flow of your ideas more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
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complete response
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relevant specific examples
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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