Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

While
some people opine that the academic excellence of
students
is determined by good mentors at schools, others believe that
students
’ academic
success
is a matter of their
attitude
and willpower.
This
essay will outline both perspectives and assert that
while
a good teacher can provide effective lessons, it is ultimately a student’s positive mindset and will which determine his or her academic
success
. Those in favour of adept teachers for learners' academic excellence argue that good tutors play the most important role in
students
’ academic
success
.
That is
to say that they deliver effective lectures so that
students
have a deep comprehension of the subject matter, helping them to acquire better
grades
.
For example
, a recent study shows that if teachers break down complex concepts, give clear explanations and provide relevant examples,
students
grades
increase by thirty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Proponents of learners'
determination
and hard work for better academic performance say that the blend of
attitude
and
determination
contributes to their academic
success
. Positive
attitude
and firm
determination
generate pupils’ motivation, driving them to succeed academically. Put simply, when
students
possess a positive mindset and resolve, they are more likely to put in a great deal of effort in order to pursue educational goals.
For instance
, a student who is determined to acquire high
grades
in examinations may be more likely to dedicate hours to studying, completing assignments and so on.
Besides
, no matter how competent a teacher is, if the pupil lacks the required motivation to pursue good
grades
nothing can help them. For these reasons, I think
students
attitude
and
determination
exceeds all other factors in importance in pursuit of academic
success
.
To conclude
,
although
good teachers provide
students
with effective lectures, a student’s
attitude
and
determination
towards learning are ultimately the principal contributors to his or her academic outcome and achievements.
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

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task achievement
You have presented a complete and balanced response to the task; however, ensure to avoid repetition of phrases such as 'positive mindset and will.'
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. However, consider using a wider variety of linking words to enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided strong supporting examples for your main points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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