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Band 7.5

Some people believe that the academic success of students depends on good teachers at schools. Others think that it depends on the attitude and determination of the students. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #success #students #teachers #schools #attitude #determination
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While
 some people opine that the academic excellence of
students
 is determined by good mentors at schools, others believe that
students
’ academic
success
 is a matter of their
attitude
 and willpower.
This
 essay will outline both perspectives and assert that
while
 a good teacher can provide effective lessons, it is ultimately a student’s positive mindset and will which determine his or her academic
success
. Those in favour of adept teachers for learners' academic excellence argue that good tutors play the most important role in
students
’ academic
success
.
That is
 to say that they deliver effective lectures so that
students
 have a deep comprehension of the subject matter, helping them to acquire better
grades
.
For example
, a recent study shows that if teachers break down complex concepts, give clear explanations and provide relevant examples,
students
’
grades
 increase by thirty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Proponents of learners'
determination
 and hard work for better academic performance say that the blend of
attitude
 and
determination
 contributes to their academic
success
. Positive
attitude
 and firm
determination
 generate pupils’ motivation, driving them to succeed academically. Put simply, when
students
 possess a positive mindset and resolve, they are more likely to put in a great deal of effort in order to pursue educational goals.
For instance
, a student who is determined to acquire high
grades
 in examinations may be more likely to dedicate hours to studying, completing assignments and so on.
Besides
, no matter how competent a teacher is, if the pupil lacks the required motivation to pursue good
grades
 nothing can help them. For these reasons, I think
students
’
attitude
 and
determination
 exceeds all other factors in importance in pursuit of academic
success
.
To conclude
,
although
 good teachers provide
students
 with effective lectures, a student’s
attitude
 and
determination
 towards learning are ultimately the principal contributors to his or her academic outcome and achievements.
Submitted by ali.homayoni93 on

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task achievement
You have presented a complete and balanced response to the task; however, ensure to avoid repetition of phrases such as 'positive mindset and will.'
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. However, consider using a wider variety of linking words to enhance the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You provided strong supporting examples for your main points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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