Some people say that older people should live with their adult children, while others think they should live in homes specially built for old people. Which do you think is a better practice?
In
this
modern era, people
have been splitting their responsibilities than ever before. Some people
believe that senior citizens should stay with their family members
while
others think that they should stay in old age
homes. I think pension houses
are a satisfactory process for mature parents
because they acquire medical facilities along with
reduced loneliness
. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, old age
homes are the
better place for senior citizens than staying with their family Correct article usage
a
members
because mature parents
should require medical attention due to
elderly diseases. But in this
fast-paced era, people
do not have more time to nurse their parents
, so numerous elder
Correct your spelling
eldercare
care
centers
are established around the nations Change the spelling
centres
with
providing Change preposition
apply
the
ultra-modern medical facilities to take Correct article usage
apply
care
the
older generations. Change preposition
of the
For example
, many Indians are settled in foreign nations because of their career perspectives but they sent
their Wrong verb form
send
parents
in
elder Change preposition
to
care
centers
where
provide ultra-modern medical and accommodation facilities. Correct word choice
that
This
means they not
neglect their responsibility Change the verb form
do not
did not
instead
of
they protect their Correct word choice
apply
parents
.
Furthermore
, senior people
should
need Verb problem
apply
accompany
in their Correct your spelling
company
elder
Correct your spelling
older
age
but their family members
are busy to earn
money. Change the verb form
earning
This
means old-age
houses
provide the environment for reduced loneliness
with the same-age
people
. For instance
, old-age
houses
conduct numerous games and play sessions for reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
loneliness
and missing family members
. Needless to say, pension houses
are the
better place Correct article usage
a
to
senior citizens Change preposition
for
live
than adults.
Fix the infinitive
to live
To conclude
, elder care
centers
provide eye-to-eye medical attention to Change the spelling
centres
old
Correct article usage
the old
age
population as well as
it
reduces Correct pronoun usage
apply
loneliness
and gives a chance to meet the same age
individuals under one umbrella. Therefore
, I think elder care
centers
are the better place to live Change the spelling
centres
senior
Fix the agreement mistake
seniors
people
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, try to present your ideas in a more organized manner with clear and distinct paragraphs for each point.
task achievement
Some of your sentences could be clearer. Make sure to proofread your writing to correct any grammatical inaccuracies and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and give a good overview of the essay topic and your stance on it.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments.