In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, a more effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #prison #crime #people #education #criminals

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There is a common belief that imprisonment is the ultimate solution to

this

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pressing issue.

However

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, a growing number of people argue that a more constructive approach would be to provide better

education

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, which could potentially prevent individuals from becoming criminals. My view is that

while

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prison serves a purpose,

education

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is indeed a more effective long-term strategy for tackling

crime

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. It is undeniable that prison plays a pivotal role in maintaining societal order. It serves to incapacitate criminals, preventing them from perpetuating

further

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harm to society.

Moreover

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, the prospect of serving time in prison acts as a powerful deterrent, discouraging potential lawbreakers from straying off the path of righteousness.

Thus

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, the importance of the penal system should not be undermined.

However

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, relying solely on

prisons

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to curb

crime

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does not address the root cause of

this

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problem.

Prisons

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, in many instances, are filled with individuals who have been failed by the

education

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system. Lack of

education

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often leads to limited job opportunities, poverty, and ultimately,

crime

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. Given the choice, individuals with the knowledge and skills needed can secure their employment,

consequently

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reducing the likelihood of them resorting to criminal activities as a means of survival.

Furthermore

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education

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can foster critical thinking, moral understanding, and respect for the law. It can

also

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play a transformative role for those who have already engaged in illegal activities. Educational programs within

prisons

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have proven to be effective at reducing recidivism, demonstrating that

education

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can serve as a tool for rehabilitation. In conclusion,

while

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prisons

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should not be seen as the most effective solution, to truly tackle the problem of

crime

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, we must shift our focus to

education

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, which can serve as a powerful tool in preventing

crime

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and fostering a more harmonious society.

Submitted by 842623369 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

To enhance your task achievement score, it is crucial to incorporate more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, you could mention statistics or studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of education in reducing crime rates.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and ideas to further strengthen the logical flow of your argument. This helps the reader follow your line of reasoning more easily.

introduction conclusion

Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the effectiveness of prison versus education in tackling crime.

task achievement

You have successfully addressed the topic and provided a balanced view regarding the role of prisons and education in preventing crime, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

290 words

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In many countries, prison is the most common solution to the problem of crime. However, a more effective way is to provide people with better education so that they cannot become criminals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?