IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today, many people do not know their neighbours in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

#people #neighbours #cities
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In the contemporary world,
people
 are busier with their lives compared to
people
 in the past.
For
this
 reason, many individuals these days don’t know their
neighbours
 at all or barely know their names.
This
 problem can lead to a multitude of negative consequences, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle
this
 issue. The first and most important result of
this
 problem is that
people
 cannot socialise and feel lonelier. Many anti-depression medicines are used by
people
 who live in large cities.
Secondly
, when
people
 don’t interact with each other in a neighbourhood, they cannot and don’t help each other in dire situations;
for instance
, I lived in a village for 12 years when I was a child. When we needed help, we called our
neighbours
, who helped us gently.
Lastly
, knowing
neighbours
 can be beneficial in children's upbringing. When
neighbours
 know each other, their children can communicate with each other and play in a safe and more reliable environment. Problems related to not knowing
neighbours
 in large cities could definitely be addressed. I believe
people
 should spend more time with their
neighbours
. Of course, it could be hard for some
people
 who have a busy life, but sharing weekend days could be a good approach for interacting with each other.
Also
, inviting
neighbours
 to special celebrations and ceremonies could be another good attitude for getting to know and communicating with each other. At the same time, governments should inform
people
 about the benefits of community relations and encourage
people
 to communicate with their
neighbours
. In conclusion, the issues related to not knowing
neighbours
 in big cities will remain unless
people
 and governments take measures to tackle the problem.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples that illustrate your points. For instance, instead of mentioning 'special celebrations and ceremonies,' you could mention specific events like neighborhood barbecues or holiday parties.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider using more transitional phrases between paragraphs and within them. This will help in linking your ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion which nicely frame the argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with reasonable arguments, showcasing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Community spirit
  • Isolation
  • Surveillance
  • Safety and security
  • Vulnerability
  • Support networks
  • Local gatherings
  • Foster
  • Social media platforms
  • Neighbourhood watch
  • Emergency situations
  • Natural disasters
  • Shared resources
  • Crime rates
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