IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Culture around the world has become more similar to the other countries then it was before. State reasons, example and conclude if it is a positive or negative trend?

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Cultures
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 around the world have evolved and each country has their own uniqueness. Unfortunately,
cultures
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 between countries have now become similar to each other.
Hence
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, in
this
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 essay, I will discuss why
this
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 may give false information and for some reasons that are set out below.
To begin
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 with, every country in the world is special in their own way. These
specialties
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specialities
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 are expressed in the form of
culture
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.
In addition
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,
culture
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 itself can be divided into many areas
such
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 as national dishes, language, national monuments and traditional
clothings
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clothing
items of clothing
articles of clothing
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. In fact,
Merlion
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the Merlion
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 Statue has become Singapore's national statue and
also
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 Batik
as
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is
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 a traditional clothing
for
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in
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Indonesia
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.
Therefore
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,
culture
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 has become a main feature for each country to provide popularity and attraction for tourists to visit.
However
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, in some cases,
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culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 between countries get mixed up
due to
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similarity
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similarities
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.
For example
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,
Indonesia
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 and Malaysia have many in common
such
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 as the language used. Both Bahasa
Indonesia
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 and Bahasa Melayu were similar.
On the other hand
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, There was a moment when Malaysia claimed the song “Halo Bandung” and the dish “Nasi Goreng” to be a part of their
culture
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 and originated from Malaysia.
That is
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 to say, both “Halo Bandung” and “Nasi Goreng” were actually from
Indonesia
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. Despite
this
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 case,
cultures
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 do not have any patents.
Hence
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, the
relation
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relationship
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 between
culture
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 and its similarity with other countries can be confusing and may create false information for tourists.
To conclude
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, without any patent,
cultures
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 around the world can be mixed up and similar to one another.

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task achievement
In the introduction, clearly state whether you believe the increasing similarity of cultures is a positive or negative trend. Your current stance is not explicitly clear.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. The essay's flow can be improved for better readability.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons and examples given. Providing more detail and a wider range of examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay features some relevant examples, such as the Merlion Statue and Batik.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.
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