IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Adult youths are often called up for the working development of communities. Some people say that they should be paid others say that they should not be paid. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Most people agree that the development of a
community
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 is a joint effort and includes contributions from the
youth
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as well as
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 adults.
However
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, individuals are divided on whether the
youth
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 should be paid for their
services
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 as they can be quite challenging and tiring or if they should be unpaid as the
community
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 simply does not have enough capital to support them. In
this
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 essay, I will be discussing both sides of the argument and give my opinion on why I support the latter.
Community
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 development
services
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 include tasks ranging from park clean-ups to assisting at old-age homes. These jobs are quite taxing, both physically and mentally for teenagers and young adults as they require countless hours of physical labour, problem-solving, and constant communication and engagement with peers and those in need. Having to tend to the elderly’s constant demands and needs relating to medical care or hygiene requirements,
for instance
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, can take a toll on the well-being of the service contributors.
Therefore
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, many hold the belief that
such
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services
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 should be paid.
While
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 these concerns are valid, in my opinion, money is not the perfect solution to curb these issues.
Although
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, in theory, money seems like a fair trade-off, it does not solve the underlying issues. Organizations should be required to prioritize the contributors' mental and physical health by making sure that they are not tasked with difficult tasks, that their time is managed well, and that they are not overworked.
In contrast
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, developing neighbourhoods and sectors of the
community
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 that do need the help are often severely underfunded and receive little to no help from the government, in
this
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 situation,
therefore
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, it is unreasonable to expect them to pay for the volunteering
services
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. Take
for example
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 soup kitchens that cook food to feed the homeless, these kitchens which are commonly funded by small non-profit organisations, lack the funds to pay all their members, let alone
youth
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 helpers. If these organized groups exhaust their funds on paying each worker, they will not be able to make any progress.
To conclude
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,
while
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 the development of society is quite challenging, mentally and physically, especially for the
youth
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, it is crucial to remember that paying them is not the way to tackle
this
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 problem,
this
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 money should be invested in the
further
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 betterment of the society and new regulations should be put into place to ease the load on the teenagers and young adults.

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Specific examples
To enhance your essay, try incorporating more specific examples that vividly illustrate your points. This will make your argumentation stronger and more convincing. For example, in discussing why youths should not be paid, you could mention particular programs or initiatives where volunteer work has successfully contributed to community development without financial compensation.
Exploring opposing views
While your essay presents a clear stance and discusses both views, consider exploring the benefits or reasoning behind the opposing view (in this case, why some argue for paying youth) in more depth. This balanced approach can lead to a more nuanced discussion and allow for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
Use of transitions
Your coherence and cohesion are commendable, yet further improvement could be attained by more varied and sophisticated transitional phrases. This seems like a minor tweak, but it greatly aids in the smooth flow of ideas, making your essay more engaging and easier to follow.
Logical flow
You have clearly outlined and discussed the topic, presenting a logical flow of ideas which makes your essay easy to follow. This is excellent for reader comprehension and engagement.
Introduction & Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively written, encapsulating your main points and reiterating your stance. This structure is foundational for high-scoring essays.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • real-world experience
  • sense of belonging
  • exploitation
  • demotivate
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • financial incentive
  • accessible
  • boost local economies
  • community budgets
  • volunteerism
  • altruism
  • transactional mindset
  • hybrid model
  • basic expenses
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