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Band 3.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? In about 300 words, give examples to support your ideas.

#people #attention #support
People
 generally believe that
advertisements
 are powerful ways to attract
people
 to buy products
although
 others disagree and think that society rarely cares for them anymore.
Nonetheless
, I suppose that commercials are still effective
to captivate
Change preposition
in captivating
show examples
people
's
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
 for some reasons that are set out below. Companies have invested a large amount of money
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
advertisements
 so that the community are successfully engaged
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 buying unnecessary products. The first and foremost reason is that they use well-known idols to become the icons of the product in the media, which surely
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
 most of their fans into buying the advertised items.
Secondly
, repeated slogans on TV or any media out there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been ingrained into
people
's
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, which eventually make them remember the brand to always buy the items.
On the other hand
, some
people
 oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement above saying that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society care less about
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
. One of the main reasons is that
such
 videos or banners are broadcast repetitively, making
people
 feel uncomfortable, and
thus
 they neglect them. Another reason is that they are commonly shown in the middle of the most exciting or thrilling part of a movie or video, resulting
them
Change preposition
in them
show examples
 being skipped.
To conclude
, despite
people
's arguments regarding their ignorance
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
advertisements
, I agree that
advertisements
 are an effective
media
Fix the agreement mistake
medium
show examples
 to promote their products to the crowds.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
While the main points in the essay are clear, try to expand on them with more detailed examples. For instance, provide a specific instance where a celebrity endorsement led to a significant increase in product sales.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a smoother flow between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions naturally to the next, maintaining a logical sequence of arguments in your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a recognizable introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which adds depth to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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