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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some individuals argue that governments should allocate more funding to railways rather than roads due to the former's higher capacity for transporting goods and passengers. discuss both views

#individuals #governments #railways #roads #capacity #goods #passengers
Railways have been used many times to transport both
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and
goods
 for
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 and increasing the economy.
Hence
, several people argue that the
government
 should support more funding toward railway structures than roads to increase more space for both users and
goods
 to be transported to far places. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and my opinion in
this
 case. Nowadays, transportation has become a daily part of people's lives. Vehicles
such
 as cars can hold a limited number of
passengers
 and enable users to travel a short distance.
On the other hand
,
trains
 can carry a larger amount of
passengers
 and
goods
.
Furthermore
,
trains
 can travel longer distances
such
 as to different cities.
As a result
, the train reduces the cost of transportation for
passengers
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 long distances and
also
 helps companies that require transporting huge numbers of
goods
 and packages to far places. Even though using a car can be more convenient for individual use,
trains
 can be more effective and efficient for transporting long distances and helping many industries distribute their products.
Therefore
, society argues that the
government
 should focus more on developing rails to increase the effectiveness of
trains
.
Although
 cars are used more often,
trains
give
Verb problem
have
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 a more significant impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
government
 as it provides more capacity and space for
passengers
 and
goods
 to be distributed around different cities. The process of expanding the range of railways requires a huge amount of funding and many workers.
Hence
, the
government
 needs to give more attention and effort
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 developing
this
 project.
To conclude
, allocating more funds for railways gives a lot of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
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 not only towards the
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
show examples
 but
also
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
government
.
Submitted by kelly on

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task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your points, such as statistics or real-world scenarios of how railways benefit transportation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively summarize and encapsulate the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
The essay effectively introduces the topic and gives a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
The structure is logical, with clear paragraphs that each discuss one main idea.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate funding
  • transportation infrastructure
  • higher capacity
  • efficiency
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • environmentally friendly
  • last mile connectivity
  • flexibility and convenience
  • individual travel
  • rail routes
  • maintaining infrastructure
  • upgrading networks
  • daily commuting
  • perishable goods
  • economic growth
  • regional development
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