Some people think the government should not spend on international aid because there are disadvantaged people in their countries, such as the unemployed and homeless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
International
aid
, which is assumed as an indispensable part of the government’s assistance, is said to not be allocated to foreign countries
because of the existence of many idles and useless communities. In this
essay why I totally agree with the very perspective will be addressed.
Firstly
, financial support from the government is accounted as the most considerable activity in one society. To illustrate, there are myriad disabled and poor individuals in every country and authorities are responsible for them and they have to allocate huge budgets to help them possess high quality life. If countries
dedicate money
and some resources to disadvantaged people
who live overseas, domestic individuals are deprived of abundant resources of financial aid
in their own countries
. As a result
, countries
should pay attention to their people
, and if the sources of money
remain, they can dedicate them to other overseas people
.
Secondly
, facilities in every society are considered as the most important objects to make the folks’ lives easier and better. To clarify, for example
, countries
achieve lots of money
from selling and exporting oil to other countries
and they obtain abundant profits for the country. If the governments spend this
money
on financial aid
, they will waste this
amount of money
. They not only can construct hospitals, schools, parks, and other essential facilities, but also
make lives easier for their own people
because indoor individuals are more important than idles and homeless people
in other countries
. Finally
, although
helping others is assumed as the best activity globally, native people
should be prioritized to
financial Change preposition
for
aid
.
In conclusion, thanks to the importance of domestic people
rather than international folks and a dedicated budget to provide facilities for people
are superior.Submitted by Golden Goals on
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introduction conclusion present
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the introduction could be more concise and focused. Simplifying it would improve readability.
logical structure
Your paragraphs are logically structured but could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Connecting sentences with linking phrases will improve flow.
supported main points
Your main points are generally supported, but adding more specific examples will strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention particular facilities or programs that could benefit from local investment.
complete response
You respond to the task well, but the essay would be stronger with more detailed analysis and balanced discussion. Consider acknowledging and addressing counter-arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Though your ideas are generally clear, some sentences are convoluted. Simplify your language to ensure clarity and concise expression of ideas.
complete response
Your essay presents clear arguments on why domestic needs should take priority over international aid.
relevant specific examples
You include relevant points about the importance of facilities such as hospitals and schools, which helps illustrate your argument.
logical structure
There is a clear logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.