IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Shoppers have too much choice, from chocolate bars to jeans.' What, in your opinion, are the advantages and disadvantages of having many things to choose from?

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In recent times, with the help of the industrial revolution, and capital markets, shoppers are presented with a myriad of
choices
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 at their local supermarkets, be it a variety in flavour of chocolate or a slight variation in jean colour, all is accessible. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of having an abundance of
choices
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 and how they affect people's lives. To start off with, having a variety of
choices
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 means there is competition between different
brands
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 which leads to better quality
products
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 presented to the customers.
For instance
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, if only one brand were producing and selling shoes to the majority of buyers it would make it easier for the brand to sell low-quality
products
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 to their unbeknownst customers.
However
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, if there were a number of different
brands
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 selling shoes, each of those
brands
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 would need to do better than the other to compete for customer satisfaction.
On the other hand
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, being bombarded with a gauntlet of
choices
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while
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 shopping may lead to dissatisfaction and decision fatigue. Let's take
for example
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 a coffee machine. In my experience, when buying a coffee machine you are presented with a plethora of
brands
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 each having a slight difference in quality.
This
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 led to me spending days doing research to buy the right one for myself just to find out
at the end
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 that the other brand might have been better leaving me unhappy with my buy. In conclusion,
while
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 having the freedom of choice can be good for better quality
products
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 it can sometimes lead the customers to confusion in buying the right thing for themselves. In my opinion, we should enjoy the luxury of having all kinds of different
products
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 at our disposal.

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coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Try to expand on each point more thoroughly. This will help provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a well-rounded argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points are relevant to the topic and are logically structured.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both advantages and disadvantages of having many choices for shoppers, which fulfills the task requirements.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • abundance of choice
  • personalization
  • competitive pricing
  • decision fatigue
  • innovate
  • buyer’s remorse
  • competitive edge
  • high-quality
  • preferences
  • time-consuming
  • satisfaction
  • overwhelm
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