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Band 5

The use of mobile phones has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern-day society,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of
smartphones
Use synonyms
 has dramatically increased and
people
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 can do various things thanks to them.
This
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 essay believes that the primary benefit is related to the functionality of
this
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 device,
while
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 the main drawback is connected with the addiction that we have. On the one hand, mobile phones have a beneficial impact on our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
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 the
fact
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 that we are able to communicate with each other and use numerous apps for our needs.
People
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 can easily find useful information thanks to
the
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cell phones, download some apps that need for work, use a lot of apps connected with video and audio and watch films and series.
According to
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 some articles, a large number of
people
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 consider
smartphones
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 to be the most significant technology
due to
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 the
fact
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 that it has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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numerous useful functions.
On the other hand
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, these electronic devices may have a detrimental effect on
people
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. Some individuals experience challenges with
smartphones
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 that can result in an addiction. They cannot live without a phone and it is considered to be hard to let it go.
Also
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, it can have a negative impact on health
that is
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 connected with the eyes
due to
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 the
fact
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 that
people
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 watch on a screen for a long period of time.
According to
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 some psychological research, for 80% of
respondents
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respondents,
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 it was hard to imagine
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 routine without a phone and another 20% of them
are
Unnecessary verb
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suffered from
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
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 disease. In conclusion, currently, mankind
are
Change the verb form
is
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 becoming more and more addicted to cell phones
due to
Linking Words
 the
fact
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 that it incorporates numerous useful things from calls to
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
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 issues.
This
Linking Words
 essay considers
smartphones
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 to be an integral part of our life that can be used in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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various ways,
however
Linking Words
, there are some challenges related to mental and physical diseases.

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relevant specific examples
Attempt to use more specific examples to fully support your points. This can make your argument more compelling.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from the previous one. Consider using transition words to improve coherence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on varying your sentence structures and incorporating more complex grammar to improve overall writing quality.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frames your essay well.
complete response
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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