An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and heath care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
In
the
modern-day society, a large number of kids suffer from obesity Correct article usage
apply
that
can result in some challenges in the future connected with health. Correct pronoun usage
which
This
essay considers overweight to be negative due to
the fact
that children
are addicted to junk food
and it will be better for them to have a hobby.
When parents allow children
to do whatever they want it will have a detrimental effect on their behavior and preferences in food
. Numerous kids consider junk food
to be tasty and they eat it on a regular basis. That is
why it can lead to an
addiction and dependence. Remove the article
apply
Also
, some children
used to stay at home, lie in bed and watch movies. According to
some psychological research, 80% of respondents choose unhealthy food
over healthy because it is tasty.
The solution of
Change preposition
to
this
can be related to an active lifestyle. Interaction is believed to have a positive impact on children
due to
the fact
that they can play, walk and do a lot of activities to avoid health issues. In addition
, hobby
has a beneficial impact on them Add an article
the hobby
due to
the fact
that it helps them to be fit. According to
some survey
, approximately 90% of Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
children
who suffered from obesity got into sports.
To
conclusion, currently, numerous Change preposition
In
children
challenge
with Wrong verb form
are challenged
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
due to
the fact
that they do not move enough. This
essay consider
Change the verb form
considers
this
problem to be significant due to
the fact
that it may lead to addiction and to solve it they need to do some exercises.Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
To enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, try elaborating on each point a bit more. Provide a little extra detail or explanation to make your ideas richer and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay covers the topic well and offers clear reasons for why children are becoming overweight and potential solutions for this issue. It addresses both halves of the question, which is good for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in presenting the ideas in an organized manner.
Your opinion
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