IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thing women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest for this issue?

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It is often argued
Correct word choice
apply
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that
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apply
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whether a slim
body
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 is magnificent or not. Over the
last
Linking Words
 two or three decades,
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women
Change noun form
women's
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 fitness and slim
body
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 are elegance through media promotion. There are some problems
occur
Correct pronoun usage
that occur
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Linking Words
this
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with this
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 tendency and a healthy
diet
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 and physical
exercise
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 overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue.
This
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with,
women
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's thin
structure
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being as ideal brings negative detrimental effects on society. One of the main causes is that
women
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's regular food intake may be affected
due to
Linking Words
 they like to
being
Change the verb
be
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thin
Add an article
a thin
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 and slim
body
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 without being fat,
consequently
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,
their
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they
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 can affect insomnia and ulcer diseases.
For example
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, numerous
women
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are faced
Wrong verb form
face
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 health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 even if they are in
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
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 because of a lack of
calories
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calorie
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 intake. Another main cause is that they impact psychologically, being a thin
body
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 is elegant rather than normal
structure
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, so they suffer
inferiority
Correct article usage
an inferiority
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 complex through
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the promoting
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promoting
Replace the word
promotion
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 of media.
However
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, there are two remedies that can overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem. One of the primary solutions is that a healthy
diet
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 can help to
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
an
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 ideal
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women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
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 even if they
eat
Correct subject-verb agreement
eats
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 normal food
in
Change preposition
on
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everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
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 basis. Another main solution is
that
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apply
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doing
a
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apply
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physical
exercise
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 in daily support to get a good
structure
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 without being fat.
For instance
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, many Indian
women
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 do
adhere
Rephrase
not adhere
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a
Change preposition
to a
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proper
diet
Use synonyms
 and
a
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apply
show examples
physical
exercise
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in
Change preposition
apply
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regularly, and
as a result
Linking Words
, they do not care about their
structure
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 how is it whether slim or fat, they only think about their health without getting any diseases. In conclusion,
media
Correct article usage
the media
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promoting
Wrong verb form
promotes
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 as
women
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 being thin as ideal and elegant but it brings numerous health and psychological problems because of a lack of food intake. But
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper
exercise
Use synonyms
 and
diet
Use synonyms
 can assist
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 being
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 ideal
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
.

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coherence
Your essay does a good job addressing the problem of media promoting thin bodies as ideal and suggesting solutions. However, the main ideas could be expressed more clearly and logically. Try to more clearly link your ideas to provide a better flow.
task
Your essay does cover the necessary points, but the arguments can be further developed. Providing more specific examples and detailed explanations will strengthen your response.
coherence
Your essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Be sure to proofread and correct these instances to improve the overall readability of your essay.
task
You've correctly identified the problems and provided plausible solutions.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points clearly.
coherence
Introduction is clear and sets up the topic well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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