Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thing women as being ideal. What problems has this caused? What solutions can you suggest for this issue?
It is often argued
Correct word choice
apply
that
whether a slim Correct word choice
apply
body
is magnificent or not. Over the last
two or three decades, women
fitness and slim Change noun form
women's
body
are elegance through media promotion. There are some problems occur
Correct pronoun usage
that occur
this
tendency and a healthy Change preposition
with this
diet
and physical exercise
overcome this
issue. This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
with, women
's thin structure
is
being as ideal brings negative detrimental effects on society. One of the main causes is that Unnecessary verb
apply
women
's regular food intake may be affected due to
they like to being
Change the verb
be
thin
and slim Add an article
a thin
body
without being fat, consequently
, their
can affect insomnia and ulcer diseases. Correct pronoun usage
they
For example
, numerous women
are faced
health Wrong verb form
face
issue
even if they are in Fix the agreement mistake
issues
thirties
because of a lack of Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
calories
intake. Another main cause is that they impact psychologically, being a thin Change the noun form
calorie
body
is elegant rather than normal structure
, so they suffer inferiority
complex through Correct article usage
an inferiority
Correct article usage
the promoting
promoting
of media.
Replace the word
promotion
However
, there are two remedies that can overcome this
problem. One of the primary solutions is that a healthy diet
can help to being
Change the verb form
be
as
ideal Correct your spelling
an
women
even if they Fix the agreement mistake
woman
eat
normal food Correct subject-verb agreement
eats
in
Change preposition
on
everyday
basis. Another main solution is Correct article usage
an everyday
that
doing Correct word choice
apply
a
physical Correct article usage
apply
exercise
in daily support to get a good structure
without being fat. For instance
, many Indian women
do adhere
Rephrase
not adhere
a
proper Change preposition
to a
diet
and a
physical Correct article usage
apply
exercise
in
regularly, and Change preposition
apply
as a result
, they do not care about their structure
how is it whether slim or fat, they only think about their health without getting any diseases.
In conclusion, media
Correct article usage
the media
promoting
as Wrong verb form
promotes
women
being thin as ideal and elegant but it brings numerous health and psychological problems because of a lack of food intake. But a
proper Correct article usage
apply
exercise
and diet
can assist to
being Change preposition
in
as
ideal Correct your spelling
an
women
.Fix the agreement mistake
woman
Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence
Your essay does a good job addressing the problem of media promoting thin bodies as ideal and suggesting solutions. However, the main ideas could be expressed more clearly and logically. Try to more clearly link your ideas to provide a better flow.
task
Your essay does cover the necessary points, but the arguments can be further developed. Providing more specific examples and detailed explanations will strengthen your response.
coherence
Your essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrases. Be sure to proofread and correct these instances to improve the overall readability of your essay.
task
You've correctly identified the problems and provided plausible solutions.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points clearly.
coherence
Introduction is clear and sets up the topic well.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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