In many countries, an increase in crime rate has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Exposure to sensitive content on television, computers and all is leading to an increase in the number of criminal activities in most countries. In my perspective,

this

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is actually a major reason for the distraction of youths. First and foremost, there are so many games that have been introduced by companies or individuals that influence youngster's minds adversely. They try to launch

such

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games which depict vulgar personalities in there, it is a way to allure people, to make them excited to play those games.

Secondly

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, all teens use mobiles and computers nowadays, and many of them are not mentally ready to get exposed to these vulgar images and videos. When they start watching

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it negatively impacts their thinking style, activities, and physical health as well, because these things compel them to stay in front of the television all the time by sitting on the sofa which eventually discourages their physical well-being.

Furthermore

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, both parents are working now and they do not have enough time to spend with their children in order to keep them involved in useful activities.

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, they introduce them to mobile phones and televisions at a very early age which not only affects youngsters' eyesight, even, they lose their innocence soon.

Also

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, these things majorly contribute to the increase of crime rates,

for instance

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, a recent survey by Zee news channel depicted that most of the criminals committed crimes by inspiration from movies, even, though they chose to execute their crimes

according to

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movie stories. It is very horrific hearing

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all. So, parents should be responsible for what to show their children.

To conclude

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, it is not wrong to blame the industry which telecasts

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sensitive and violent content on the public platform in order to earn money. It seems that they are not responsibly airing the content.

tiwanajot149Wed Mar 26 2025

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task achievement

The introduction could be clearer in presenting your stance on the issue. Consider explicitly stating whether you agree or disagree and to what extent.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning specific games or programs could strengthen your argument around influence.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words to improve the flow of your essay. This helps the reader follow your ideas more easily. Try phrases like 'in addition,' 'furthermore,' or 'on the other hand.'

coherence and cohesion

The conclusion could summarize your main points more effectively. Reinforcing your argument will leave a stronger impression on the reader.

task achievement

You demonstrate a clear understanding of the issue and the factors that contribute to the problem of rising crime rates among youth.

task achievement

Your essay presents relevant points about the influence of media on young minds, showcasing your ability to address the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggressive behavior
psychological theories
Bandura's Social Learning Theory
conclusive scientific evidence
correlation
multi-factorial
socio-economic status
mental health
sole cause
outlet for aggression
teamwork
strategic thinking
counter-studies
awareness
violent media

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In many countries, an increase in crime rate has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

in many countruies, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes?

In spite of technological developments in transportation, many people believe that a bicycle is the best way to reach in any destination. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using a bicycle nowadays?

The question of whether the benefits of worldwide accessibility to different types of food outweigh

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?