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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced.

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Technology and
automation
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 are playing a crucial role in the activity of
community
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the community
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 and in relation to it, the role of manpower has decreased. In my point of view, the time span
population
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the population
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 spend on work should be substantially diminished considering the positive impact of
automation
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 and
automation
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. It is a fact that machinery
such
Linking Words
 as robots, complicated machines and other control management systems that provide a more convenient life
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 improved the life quality of society. By means of remote devices and central control systems, machines and robots implement more complex operations in modern factories, plants, and industries. The improved
automation
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also
Linking Words
 extremely reduces the production time of the products which positively impacts the deliveries to customers.
This
Linking Words
 remote system replaces the manpower and supplies very easy and high-quality products at
considerably
Correct article usage
a considerably
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 low cost.
Additionally
Linking Words
, other means of communication
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phones, and laptops offer a much more comfortable life. Students and office staff don’t need to participate in workplaces and universities. The meetings and seminars are organized by means of these devices and they create an opportunity to double-check these events by recording them. Even the students can acquire/obtain any subject literature saved on websites and are able to share with colleagues and group mates. Taking all these points into consideration, I strongly agree that with the help of modern technology and
automation
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, the demand for manual labour has decreased considerably.
Although
Linking Words
 the development of technology will diminish the time spent at workplaces, the hourly payment rate should be improved in order for people not to face financial challenges.

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coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the prompt, discussing both the benefits of technology and the reduced need for manual labor.
task achievement
The use of terms like 'robots,' 'remote devices,' and 'control systems' effectively illustrates your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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