In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

When talking about the ageing
population
, elder
people
's opinions seem to be divergent on
such
a controversial issue. Some
people
believe that the ageing
population
causes problems for
society
.
However
, other
people
take the opposite position. I partially agree with the statements as follows. The reason most related to the ageing
population
is the expense.
Firstly
, If
people
live a longer life, they may have a longer 30-year retirement period and may be financially supported by the government or house.
Secondly
, if a large proportion of the
population
has age-related illnesses, it may significantly impact the medical system and take up the resources that could be better allocated to others.
Moreover
, assuming that elderly citizens may be financially independent, the youth need to compete in a more severe job market, just like the current China.
However
, old citizens could benefit the whole
society
in terms of skills, wisdom, and experiences. To be more specific, modern
people
are considered more active and more productive than their counterparts 50 years ago.
This
means that they are no longer blocked but the wealth of the
society
. After retirement, the aged
also
could contribute value to
society
by promoting charity activities, buying products as consumers, and helping their families. The grandparents could take children carefully and help to release the stress of the parents. In conclusion, it appears to me that expense is the main negative impact, including financial support, medical system contraction, and potential drop in market stress.
However
, old
also
could contribute to the development of
society
such
as helping raise children.
Submitted by yu18526106986 on

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task response
Ensure that all arguments are analyzed in more depth and supported by specific examples. This would make the essay stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps the reader follow the arguments more easily.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the essay.
complete response
The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing that you can consider different perspectives.
logical structure
Your main points are logically structured, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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