In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #people #population #governments #asian

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When talking about the ageing

population

Use synonyms

, elder

people

Use synonyms

's opinions seem to be divergent on

such

Linking Words

a controversial issue. Some

people

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believe that the ageing

population

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causes problems for

society

Use synonyms

However

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, other

people

Use synonyms

take the opposite position. I partially agree with the statements as follows. The reason most related to the ageing

population

Use synonyms

is the expense.

Firstly

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, If

people

Use synonyms

live a longer life, they may have a longer 30-year retirement period and may be financially supported by the government or house.

Secondly

Linking Words

, if a large proportion of the

population

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has age-related illnesses, it may significantly impact the medical system and take up the resources that could be better allocated to others.

Moreover

Linking Words

, assuming that elderly citizens may be financially independent, the youth need to compete in a more severe job market, just like the current China.

However

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, old citizens could benefit the whole

society

Use synonyms

in terms of skills, wisdom, and experiences. To be more specific, modern

people

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are considered more active and more productive than their counterparts 50 years ago.

This

Linking Words

means that they are no longer blocked but the wealth of the

society

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. After retirement, the aged

also

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could contribute value to

society

Use synonyms

by promoting charity activities, buying products as consumers, and helping their families. The grandparents could take children carefully and help to release the stress of the parents. In conclusion, it appears to me that expense is the main negative impact, including financial support, medical system contraction, and potential drop in market stress.

However

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, old

also

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could contribute to the development of

society

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such

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as helping raise children.

Submitted by yu18526106986 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task response

Ensure that all arguments are analyzed in more depth and supported by specific examples. This would make the essay stronger and more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Work on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph. This helps the reader follow the arguments more easily.

introduction conclusion present

You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the essay.

complete response

The essay covers both sides of the argument, showing that you can consider different perspectives.

logical structure

Your main points are logically structured, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Childhood obesity is a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this and how can the problem be managed?

Many young people nowadays are imitating celebrities in sports and movies. In your opinion, is this good or bad? Support your point of view with reasons and examples from your own experience.

Many scientists believe that now we can study the behavior of a three-years-old child to see whether they will grow up to be criminals.To what extend do you think crime is determined by human nature?Is it possible to stop children from going up to be criminals?

More and more people are shifting to a plant-based diet. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.