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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In certain nations, parents have high academic expectations for their children, resulting in limited leisure time. What could be the potential benefits and drawbacks of this for the children and the society they are part of

#nations #parents #expectations #children #leisure #time #society #part
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In today’s globalised world, it is notable that many
parents
 from all over the world demand their offspring to pay more attention to their
education
. Their offspring are buried with books every day, which leads to a lack of time for other activities.
However
, what are the reasons for
such
parents
’ expectations
from
Change preposition
of
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 their children and what are the positive and negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society? In
this
 essay, I will provide some insights and shed light on
this
 position.
To begin
this
, the major reason why
parents
 put huge demands on their kids is because they want to make their offspring successful.
For instance
, most
parents
 from East Asia expect more achievements in
education
 and other fields from their offspring. The younger population from these countries spend about 16-18 hours a day on the study. One of the positive sides of intensive studying is the opportunity to enrol in top universities and find well-paid jobs.
Besides
this
, better-off
parents
 hire teachers for additional lessons.
However
, some less well-off
parents
 cannot afford
this
 luxury for their kids, because
education
 fees are very high in the best universities.
On the other hand
,
this
 kind of approach has its disadvantages. First of all,
this
 action leads to mental health issues among younger people. Those who fail exams or cannot enter the university might commit suicide.
This
 in turn destroys the public perception of
education
 policy in the society. So, many people think that higher
education
 should be free for everybody.
For instance
, Germany offers free tertiary
education
 both for all national and international students.
Overall
, the
education
 system is one of the significant aspects of the nation, but
education
 policy should be more flexible in some countries.
Parents
 in these situations will become less strict with their children.
Submitted by shani.menglieva.94 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question more fully. For example, elaborate on the specific effects of high academic expectations on society.
coherence cohesion
Try to present your ideas more clearly by organizing paragraphs around single, distinct points, making each paragraph’s main idea clear from the beginning lines.
task achievement
Offer more detailed and specific examples to fully support your assertions, and make sure each example directly reinforces your main points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frames the discussion.
task achievement
The essay covers both the positive and negative effects of high academic expectations, showing a balanced perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic expectations, leisure time, intelligence, educational attainment, prestigious careers, time management, discipline, stress, burnout, interpersonal skills, creativity, playtime, well-educated workforce, technological advancement, economic competitiveness, well-rounded individuals, mental health, competition, social inequality, non-academic talents, the arts.
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