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Band 7

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
Although
 taking or not taking a risk can have positive and negative results, being risky would make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 an adventure and broaden your horizon on
life
. On the one hand, taking risks can have some demerits, which could sometimes be really devastating. Take a businessman as an example. In business, it is common to invest all of your money in one thing
that is
 new and unknown. In
this
 way, you will lose all of your money or be a rich person. When you lose, you may
experience
 a heart attack or be depressed, which are common among people who
experience
 a big failure.
On the other hand
, taking risks can have some merits
such
 as experiencing new things and being a one-night successful man. In daily
life
, someone who wants to see new places and
experience
 new activities has a chance to broaden his horizon on
life
.
For example
,
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
bunji jumping is really exciting and makes you release lots of adrenaline and could be a lifelong
experience
.
Moreover
, taking a risk sometimes can lead to a big victory, making you a famous and popular person in your profession or career. Take a football coach as an example. If the coach is brave will make his team attack throughout the game and increase the chance of winning the game.
This
 can make him to be a star and a popular person.
Overall
, despite being or not being risky can have both positive and negative aspects, it is worth it to do in
life
 because it will broaden your horizon and sometimes can result in a big achievement.
Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on

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task achievement
Your essay would benefit from slightly more detailed examples and explanations to enhance clarity. Consider elaborating on your points with more specific details or additional examples.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly comprehensive and not overly generalized. Try to provide more in-depth research to support your views.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of connecting phrases and cohesive devices to create a smoother flow between your sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
There is a slight repetition of phrases like 'broaden your horizon on life.' Try to vary your vocabulary to avoid redundancy.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay introduces the topic well and presents a clear conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is good, with each paragraph discussing a different aspect of the argument.
relevant specific examples
You have used relevant and specific examples, like the businessman and the football coach, to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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