It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

Although

taking or not taking a risk can have positive and negative results, being risky would make

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

life

an adventure and broaden your horizon on

life

. On the one hand, taking risks can have some demerits, which could sometimes be really devastating. Take a businessman as an example. In business, it is common to invest all of your money in one thing

that is

new and unknown. In

this

way, you will lose all of your money or be a rich person. When you lose, you may

experience

a heart attack or be depressed, which are common among people who

experience

a big failure.

On the other hand

, taking risks can have some merits

such

as experiencing new things and being a one-night successful man. In daily

life

, someone who wants to see new places and

experience

new activities has a chance to broaden his horizon on

life

For example

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

bunji jumping is really exciting and makes you release lots of adrenaline and could be a lifelong

experience

Moreover

, taking a risk sometimes can lead to a big victory, making you a famous and popular person in your profession or career. Take a football coach as an example. If the coach is brave will make his team attack throughout the game and increase the chance of winning the game.

This

can make him to be a star and a popular person.

Overall

, despite being or not being risky can have both positive and negative aspects, it is worth it to do in

life

because it will broaden your horizon and sometimes can result in a big achievement.

Submitted by Shahdadi.m76 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

Your essay would benefit from slightly more detailed examples and explanations to enhance clarity. Consider elaborating on your points with more specific details or additional examples.

task achievement

Ensure that your ideas are clearly comprehensive and not overly generalized. Try to provide more in-depth research to support your views.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a wider range of connecting phrases and cohesive devices to create a smoother flow between your sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

There is a slight repetition of phrases like 'broaden your horizon on life.' Try to vary your vocabulary to avoid redundancy.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay introduces the topic well and presents a clear conclusion, which helps to frame your argument effectively.

logical structure

The logical structure of the essay is good, with each paragraph discussing a different aspect of the argument.

relevant specific examples

You have used relevant and specific examples, like the businessman and the football coach, to support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

In order to change their appearance people often turn to plastic surgery. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such an approach ?

It is not appropriate to have pet dog in built up inner city. Do you agree or disagree?

What are the advantages and disadvantages of globalization? Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both arguments and give your opinion

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?