IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some Some people fail to maintain balance with work and other aspects of life. What are the reasons for failure? How can it be solved?

#people #balance #work #aspects #life #failure
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Many
workers
Use synonyms
 struggle to make their
work
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 more balanced.
First,
Linking Words
There are various sources of
this
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 issue, and one of them is the tight deadline that
workers
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 have.
Second,
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a way to overcome the problem is by making managers more lenient toward their comrades to make the
workers
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 arrange their plans easier. Many companies in modern days have tight deadlines for their
workers
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 and that results in they do not have an equal
work
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-
life
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.
However
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, some people argue that there are policies that make the
workers
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 have several off days so they can strengthen their
life
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besides
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work
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life
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.
Although
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this
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 may be true, numerous companies are in relation with a lot of clients.
Consequently
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, the client will burden the company with a great number of
work
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, resulting in them wasting the
workers
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' leisure time.
For instance
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, multinational companies that have many clients like PWC, have massive workloads.
Thus
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, the expert states that the amount of workload will burden their
workers
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 at any time, wasting their off time by 70%. Henceforth, workdays or not, the deadline will not correlate with those. The tight deadline plays a key role in consuming the
workers
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' activities
besides
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work
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forthwith
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. Making the manager more tolerant of the industry schedule could potentially make
workers
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 have a more balanced
life
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.
Furthermore
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, the flexible schedule will make the worker arrange their plan easily.
As a result
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, they could have included other
life
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 activities
besides
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 working whether on holiday or still at
work
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 stage. On top of that, it could potentially increase their
work
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 quality.
For example
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, start-up offices
such
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 as Google have a policy that makes their office hour flexible as long as the jobs are cleared.
As a consequence
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, their
workers
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 could finish their jobs first and
then
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 do relaxing activities later, or the other way.
Moreover
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, Experts agree that the increasing profits that Google has is the result of implementing that office hours by 40%. As can be seen, making managers more loosen with their subordinates is the solution to the complication.
Overall
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, the main cause of the issue is
due to
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 the busy schedule in the company. One solution for
that is
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 to make managers relax their low-ranking
workers
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’
work
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 schedules.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of using 'First' and 'Second' without transitions, make sure these are smooth and natural.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on some points to provide a deeper analysis. For example, why do tight deadlines exist, and what significant impacts do they have on the employee's broader life?
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
Each main point is supported by relevant and specific examples, such as the mention of Google's flexible work hours and its effects.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is solid, with explanations that flow logically from one idea to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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