Some people believe that for children learning about the local history is more important than knowing the World history. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #children #history #world

Some individuals are of the opinion that young generations should learn national

history

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since it is more significant than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

world

history

. From

this

writer's perspective,

this

statement is firmly disagreeable.

This

essay will expound upon

this

by giving feasible reasons and practical examples.

Firstly

, broadening one's horizon is a decisive element. Specifically, most children

are lacking of

Wrong verb form

lack

show examples

global

history

, and they need to know more useful knowledge

such

as what people did

Change preposition

show examples

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

to get

peaceful

Correct article usage

a peaceful

show examples

country.

Thus

, students could gain general views

Change preposition

show examples

all studied countries.

For instance

, the youth who study abroad

had

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

already read many books in relation to

traditions

Correct article usage

the traditions

show examples

of the country they

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

to go

for learning

Change preposition

to learn

show examples

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

could

Wrong verb form

can easily

show examples

avoid culture

shocks

Fix the agreement mistake

shock

show examples

easily

Rephrase

apply

show examples

Secondly

, another benefit gained from learning from others. To be more precise, national

history

is quite restrict

Change the verb form

is quite restricted

show examples

;

however

, world

history

is a combination of the best

knowledges

Change the wording

knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

teachers want to express to children.

As a result

, they could gain experience from useful lessons

Change preposition

from

show examples

others's

failure

Fix the agreement mistake

failures

show examples

victory

Fix the agreement mistake

victories

show examples

in the past more comfortably.

For example

, Ho Chi Minh

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

went abroad to learn other countries'

culture

Fix the agreement mistake

cultures

show examples

history

Fix the agreement mistake

histories

show examples

, and specific skills

Change preposition

over

show examples

the course of 30 years to look for a way to save Vietnam from America which

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

one of the strongest

country

Change to a plural noun

countries

show examples

in the war period;

therefore

, he

succesfully

Correct your spelling

successfully

defeat them. In conclusion,

Change the capitalization

show examples

totally disagree with

this

suggestion

due to

the listed advantages,

such

as acquiring global

history

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and getting more valuable experience

Wed Jun 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clear comprehensive ideas

To enhance your clear and comprehensive ideas, try to provide more in-depth explanations and avoid repetitive phrases. Also, focus on sentence variety to keep the reader engaged.

relevant specific examples

Ensure that your examples fully align with your arguments. The example of Ho Chi Minh, while interesting, could be better connected to the point you're making about learning from others.

supported main points

While your main points are supported, strive to include more specific evidence and elaboration for each point so that the argument is even stronger and more logical.

introduction conclusion present

You have a well-structured introduction and conclusion, which help present your argument clearly.

complete response

Your response is complete and addresses the task appropriately, discussing the importance of both local and world history for children.

relevant specific examples

You successfully provided examples to support your points, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

246 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.
In this essay, I am going to discuss the idea that: Some believe that more young people hold the important position in government, while others believe that the young people should not. In the beginning, that is the fact that more youth people hold the important positions in the government, and in my opinion, it has necessity. However, both views are remarkable. Positions should be filled with youths however, on the other hand, workers who have an experiences are priceless for the states or other labours. Young people can adapt the new circumstances easily. Further, their brains are fresh and they have tendency to create new ideas. However, experienced workers are more eligible for some qualified positions. Furthermore, They must keep working and their position be preserved so, less experienced workers could learn something from their experiences.
6
band
Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do yout think this is a positive or negative development?
It is a well-established fact that people can buy the same products anywhere in the world, and this leads to the fact that the countries are becoming way more similar. I personally believe that this can be considered as a positive development. There are two principle reasons for this.
6
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
It is often argued that the earth struggles with several issues. Namely, collapsing some species and other environmental actions. While some people advocate that losing specific breeds of plants and animals is the most significant harm for the earth, others believe that there are more essential troubles for the planet. However, this essay will discuss both views and argue in favour of the letter.
6
band
Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?
Nowadays, people face a lot of challenges related to work . A lot of adults have no choice but to work in a position in which they have no experience or like it. This essay will explore the main reasons behind this and the effects that can occur in this situation.
5.5
band
Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many people believe that the government should invest more money in sport opportunities for average inhabitants, rather than training only a few individuals for the Olympics. In my opinion, it is crucial to help the society stay healthy, and develop in physical movement.

Some people believe that for children learning about the local history is more important than knowing the World history. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some believe that more young people hold the important positions in government, while others believe that the young people should not. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples.

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do yout think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our times is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?