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Writing Samples
Band 7

getting experience and developing soft skills is more important: Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, some people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

The massive burden of providing the best curriculum for children rests on the shoulders of high-ranking officials.
While
Linking Words
 some opine that higher
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the must-experience ways to find a suitable occupation, others think that learning soft skills and expertise
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 a long way in being hired in companies. In my view, university degrees are too important to be overlooked. On the one hand, the technological revolution has altered every part of our lives. As technology develops, nothing remains untouched, and the way of employment is no exception. To clarify, nowadays, working environments are bombarded with a torrent of digital tools, which require digital literacy.
Therefore
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, if employees cannot provide these requirements, they are less likely to pass interviews successfully.
Hence
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, people should place a high value on achieving some modern abilities, like working on computers.
On the other hand
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, underestimating the importance of academic studies in increasing the chance of employment is not logical.
For example
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, in my country, Iran, companies and businesses put degrees as a priority, and they pay salaries based on the levels of
education
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.
For instance
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, those who are able to complete an MS course or PHD course are well-paid compared to diploma course.
Moreover
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, one of the most important factors that are considered by all organisations to hire employees all around the world is having certificates related to that field. So, all school-goers should complete their
education
Use synonyms
 to shape their future positively. In conclusion,
although
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 modern tools and gadgets are an inseparable part of working places, it does not necessarily mean all clerk should sacrifice their
education
Use synonyms
 to learn
such
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 abilities. From my perspective, higher degrees play a crucial role in finding a job in the future for students, and they should gain
such
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 certificates as soon as possible.

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structure
Make the intro fit the task. Start by saying you will discuss two sides and give your view.
content
Add clearer examples to show how degrees help or how soft skills help job chances, with simple facts.
language
Improve grammar and use short, plain sentences. Watch long phrases.
cohesion
Use better link words to join ideas, e.g., also, however, for example, in addition.
content
Your view is clear and you take a side.
structure
The essay has a plan with more than one paragraph.
examples
You give a real example from your country.
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