IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people argue higher taxes should be collected from industries causing higher industrial pollution, whereas others argue there are better ways to deal it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #taxes #industries #pollution
Some people believe that
industries
 that facilitate high pollution should be charged higher taxes,
while
 others argue that there are better ways to combat
this
. I believe,
although
 collecting more
tax
money
 would be beneficial in cleaning the pollutants, strictening environmental laws could be a more
straight forward
Correct your spelling
straightforward
show examples
 solution. On the one hand, large amounts of
money
 are necessary to clean the damage done by
industries
;
therefore
, if greater
tax
 is imposed on these
industries
,
this
money
 could be used to remove harmful substances that are destroying nature.
For example
, a garment factory in Sri Lanka dumps all its waste and byproducts into the river, and the government spends lots of
money
 annually to filter out the waste products.
Instead
 of depleting government funds,
tax
money
of
Change preposition
from
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 the factory should be used to clean the river.
However
,
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my view,
this
 is not sustainable in the
long-run
Correct your spelling
long run
show examples
 because some chemicals could cause irreversible damage.
On the other hand
, governments could stricten policies against companies that tend to pollute the surroundings.
That is
 to say, they can charge a big fine if they exceed a certain of hazardous substances.
This
 is reliable because it is easy for governments to do routine check-ups with the factories and evaluate the amount of excess waste products.
For instance
, many European countries have laws in their system to keep industrial pollution in check. In conclusion, it is true that extra
tax
 on
industries
 that pollute more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others could be useful in
help
Change the form of the verb
helping
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removing
Wrong verb form
remove
show examples
 the released bad products;
however
, stricter laws against them would do a better job
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dealing
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 issue.
Submitted by sajeendranrajakumar on

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task achievement
Your task response is generally strong. You have addressed both views and provided a clear opinion. However, your explanation could be more developed in some parts. Try to elaborate more on the reasons and potential consequences.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider explicitly linking some of your ideas to reinforce the connection between them.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your argument.
relevant specific examples
You provided specific examples, such as the garment factory in Sri Lanka, which helps to support your main points.
logical structure
The essay follows a logical structure, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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