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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's live. Others think that adult life brings more happiness in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #times #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
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Regardless of age, every person is looking out in the world to be happy. Some relate happy moments with
with
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apply
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a lack of obligations.
On the other hand
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, others think that the adult
years
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 bring more joy as they are more independent even though they have responsibilities. In
this
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 essay, I will give the perspectives from both sides and
also
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 tell why the former carries more weight than the latter. The main reason why some people might view the teenage period as the happiest
times
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time
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 is the lack of responsibilities. With
such
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 freedom, they have enough
time
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 for themselves to do the things that they love to do. Given the ample amount of
time
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, they can use it to spend with their friends, watch movies and have game nights, enjoying life to the fullest .
In addition
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, they do not have the stress that most adults have,
such
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 as to make both ends meet. Even if they have problems at school,
for instance
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, problems with completing their homework or some projects, they have their parents to help them out to solve those .
On the other hand
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, adult
years
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seems
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seem
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 to be the best part of life for some
due to
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 the freedom to pave their own path.
This
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 is because, during their childhood, they were under some restrictions from their elders. So when they cross their teenage
years
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, they are happy to be out of
such
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 barriers. At the same
time
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 are able to do what they admire like buying a new car or travelling to new places.
Although
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 both sides point out good views, I believe that the enjoyment during teenage
years
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outweigh
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outweighs
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 the other. It is true that they have some limitations in their decision-making but they do not have a lot of challenges that their parents have.
However
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, I do believe that if adults can find a balance between their busy lives and doing what they love, they can be truly happy too. In conclusion, teenagers can enjoy their lives
due to
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 their lack of responsibilities and the ample amount of
time
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 they have.
However
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, adults too can find happiness if they can strike a balance between their challenging lives and doing what they admire.
Submitted by kevinleom12 on

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task achievement
In future essays, try to develop each supporting point more comprehensively and support them with more specific examples. This will further enhance the clarity and specificity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, focus on connecting sentences within paragraphs to enhance flow and readability.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and outlines what will be discussed, setting a clear direction for the essay.
supported main points
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, showing a thoughtful approach to the topic.
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