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Band 7

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments

#students #university #study #country #opportunity #development #support #arguments
Presently, young
people
 are more likely to go abroad than past. Some citizens believe, it has a positive effect, as they can have a better quality of life,
whereas
 others argue that it has a negative impact on our society
due to
 the lack of young employees. Regarding the advantages, the folks can experience a better life. It means that they have a lot of opportunities to find an international job with
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 income.
For example
, many juniors tend to go to the UK, where they can have a well-paid job than in Iran.
As a result
, more
people
 from Iran have a tendency to be replaced.
Moreover
,
such
people
 can improve their language, and be professional in their second language, as they have a chance to talk regularly and be bilingual, which is really important for their communication in the new country. Not only is it practical, but
also
 it is beneficial.
On the other hand
, it has some drawbacks for our local areas, as there are not any young force workers, who can develop the country.
Thus
, it can be harmful to our nation
due to
 the lack of talent.
For instance
, a gifted person in Iran tends to go to a foreign country, and he/she tries to develop a new nation.
Furthermore
, when
people
 go abroad, they miss their friends and families more, and
as a result
, they are likely to be homesick or isolated. In conclusion,
while
 immigration to a new place has a negative impact on our local place
due to
 the lack of fresh force workers, it has some benefits for individuals to have a bright future.
Submitted by pooya.olad on

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task achievement
While your essay is well-structured, make sure to elaborate a bit more on each example to strengthen your arguments. For instance, specify how the UK offers better job opportunities or how language skills benefit job prospects.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a seamless flow between the paragraphs. Some transitions could be smoother to enhance overall readability. Consider linking phrases to connect the advantages and disadvantages more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
Consider expanding on how young people contribute to their home countries and why their absence is particularly detrimental. This will provide a more balanced view of the drawbacks.
task achievement
Good job in presenting both sides of the argument, which shows balanced reasoning.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion sections, making it easy to follow your main points.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to illustrate your points, which enriches your essay's quality. For instance, referring to the UK for better job opportunities adds depth.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Academic mobility
  • Cross-cultural
  • Language proficiency
  • Internationalization of education
  • Diaspora
  • Expat community
  • Pedagogic methodologies
  • Cultural literacy
  • Foreign academic credentials
  • Educational disparity
  • Repatriation
  • Xenophobia
  • Ethnocentric perspectives
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