Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

#people #schools #impact #children #environment

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People

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often discuss the competitive environment in

schools

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, and for some,

this

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impact is somewhat negative. For these kinds of

people

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schools

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would be better and

children

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would achieve more with less

competition

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However

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, there are

also

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other

people

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that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

have opposing views and think

competition

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helps students to achieve. As far as I’m concerned, I agree with both sides. On the one hand, competing helps

children

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to perform better at

school

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. Young

people

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who want to win and with

competition

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this

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drives them to do

this

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. When

children

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sit exams they want to get the highest score and beat their classmates.

Furthermore

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children

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will need to compete when they are older to find jobs and be successful so it is important that the

schools

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teach them how to accomplish things at

school

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On the other hand

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schools

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should encourage

children

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to appreciate learning. If students enjoy their studies, they will go on learning throughout their lives. If the environment at their

schools

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has excessive

competition

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then

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they may not want to pursue their education. Some

children

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will never achieve high grades in

school

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and will always be beaten by their peers.

Children

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who are not clever will not be motivated to achieve. In conclusion, I think that there are advantages to a competitive environment. It will encourage some students to achieve more in

school

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. Despite competing with others,

children

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will not strive to do better.

However

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, some

children

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do not respond well to

competition

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school

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and there may be a negative impact.

Schools

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need to consider both of those kinds of different

children

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and have

school

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environments for all.

Submitted by bhavifasai on Wed Jun 19 2024

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relevant specific examples

Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but adding more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your argument. For instance, you can provide real-life instances or studies that show the impact of competition on students' performance.

logical structure

While your essay is generally well-structured, consider using more diverse conjunctions and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will enhance the logical structure.

supported main points

More detailed analysis could be added to the second body paragraph to explore the downsides of competition in greater depth. This will provide a more balanced view.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents both perspectives. The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion.

complete response

You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of a competitive school environment. This shows a clear understanding of the topic.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, bringing a sense of closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

undue stress
academic achievement
critical thinking
interpersonal skills
unhealthy rivalries
social isolation
bullying
reduced collaboration
motivation
achieve their goals
resilience
perseverance
innovation
improvement
outperform
higher standards

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Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes of the phenomenon and what are some of the possible solutions?

With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages of damaging such areas?

Cashless transaction order of the day most of the time people prefer using plastic cash do you think this is trend will be useful for the society.

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?