Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion
People
often discuss the competitive environment in schools
, and for some, this
impact is somewhat negative. For these kinds of people
, schools
would be better and children
would achieve more with less competition
. However
, there are also
other people
that
have opposing views and think Correct pronoun usage
who
competition
helps students to achieve. As far as I’m concerned, I agree with both sides.
On the one hand, competing helps children
to perform better at school
. Young people
who want to win and with competition
this
drives them to do this
. When children
sit exams they want to get the highest score and beat their classmates. Furthermore
, children
will need to compete when they are older to find jobs and be successful so it is important that the schools
teach them how to accomplish things at school
.
On the other hand
, schools
should encourage children
to appreciate learning. If students enjoy their studies, they will go on learning throughout their lives. If the environment at their schools
has excessive competition
, then
they may not want to pursue their education. Some children
will never achieve high grades in school
and will always be beaten by their peers. Children
who are not clever will not be motivated to achieve.
In conclusion, I think that there are advantages to a competitive environment. It will encourage some students to achieve more in school
. Despite competing with others, children
will not strive to do better. However
, some children
do not respond well to competition
in school
and there may be a negative impact. Schools
need to consider both of those kinds of different children
and have school
environments for all.Submitted by bhavifasai on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
relevant specific examples
Your essay addresses both views on the topic, but adding more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your argument. For instance, you can provide real-life instances or studies that show the impact of competition on students' performance.
logical structure
While your essay is generally well-structured, consider using more diverse conjunctions and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas. This will enhance the logical structure.
supported main points
More detailed analysis could be added to the second body paragraph to explore the downsides of competition in greater depth. This will provide a more balanced view.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents both perspectives. The introduction is clear and sets the stage for the discussion.
complete response
You provide a balanced view by acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of a competitive school environment. This shows a clear understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reiterates your stance, bringing a sense of closure to the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.