IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?

#rise #media #platforms #people #vent #frustrations #complaints #consequence #trend #benefit
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The creation of social media certainly had a drastic effect which could not be ignored,
however
, it is important to acknowledge that not utilizing apps of that nature might not bring diminishing consequences to people's professional
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 as expected.
Firstly
, succeeding
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the occupation
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
mostly depends on the worker's capabilities, which is why employers always demand
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 level of experience and a respectable degree in their field.
Thus
, qualifications are more
appealling
Correct your spelling
appealing
 to the management in comparison with a popular
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 account.
Secondly
, being able to negotiate and
possesion
Correct your spelling
possess
 of soft-skills would have
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 impact on one's professional journey,
due to
 the nature of human beings, which is forming social groups.
Therefore
, success requires abilities to socially interact in a manner that would bring positive outcomes,
such
 as resolving conflicts at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace.
Finally
, despite social media offering alluring opportunities,
such
 as making new connections, because of anonymity, it unleashes
Correct article usage
the unpleasent
show examples
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
 side of some individuals that might result in significant damage to the author's mental health.
For instance
,
recent
Add an article
the recent
a recent
show examples
 surge in
cyberbulling
Correct your spelling
cyberbullying
cyber bullying
 among coworkers has been a heated conversation
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet.
Nonetheless
, social media indeed offers great
opportinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for
individuals'
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
networking
Change the verb form
to network
show examples
 and
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
,
moreover
, creating
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
 image for themself.
However
, I believe the outcomes might not be as those that were intended and
also
, the benefits are not
irreplacable
Correct your spelling
irreplaceable
, causing careers to fall. Ultimately, from my perspective, an employee's success in their field stems from one's qualifications,
soft-skills
Correct your spelling
soft skills
show examples
 and ability to maintain or even improve
workplace's
Correct article usage
the workplace's
show examples
 culture.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While the essay tackles the topic, it does not directly address the specific questions posed about the consequences and benefits of expressing complaints on social media. Ensure to stick closely to the prompt.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples to support your points. This will help to illustrate your ideas better and demonstrate your understanding.
task achievement
Improve the clarity and depth of your ideas. Develop each point more comprehensively, ensuring that each one logically follows from the previous one and relates back to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single main point. Ensure that these points flow logically to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main point is sufficiently supported with relevant details and examples. This will enhance your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your essay.
task achievement
Good attempt at discussing multiple points and perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Accountability
  • Public venting
  • Reputation management
  • Social media platform
  • Complaining culture
  • Community solidarity
  • Conflict resolution
  • Entitlement
  • Direct communication
  • Customer service
  • Exposure
  • Misinformation
  • Amplification
  • Systemic issues
  • Constructive feedback
  • Online atmosphere
  • Negative content
What to do next:
Look at other essays: