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Band 4.5

Some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while others say that they should think more realistically about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#think #people #career #future
Nowadays, having a
job
 with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
rate
 of
interest
 can play a crucial role in the life of many
peolple
Correct your spelling
people
. some individuals believe that young
people
 ought to be free to select their career based on their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
while
 others think that they must think about
realistic
Add an article
the realistic
a realistic
show examples
 occupation in the future.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
 my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that
havin
Correct your spelling
having
havin'
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 based on the
rate
 of
interest
 can help them to better result in their tasks. on the one hand, many individuals are of the opinion that
people
 should have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to choose their profession
rely
Verb problem
based
show examples
 on their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
. because when they have a lot of
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
job
 .they try to keep their work till the day achieve their desired goal in their
job
. since there is
clearly
Correct article usage
a clearly
show examples
 recognizable relationship between the
rate
 of
interest
 and the level of
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
success.
That is
 why
this
 strategy can help them to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 the sense of accomplishment in their tasks.
on the other hand
, it is sometimes
beileved
Correct your spelling
believed
 that having
occupation
Correct article usage
an occupation
show examples
rely
Verb problem
based
show examples
 on the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society can be a key step to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
a more
Correct the article-noun agreement
more job opportunities
a more job opportunity
show examples
job
 opportunities. because in
this
materalistic
Correct your spelling
materialistic
 lifestyle, many
people
 work from dawn to dusk in order to provide
a primary facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
primary facilities
a primary facility
show examples
 for their family members.
that
Capitalize word
That
show examples
 is why, they do not have enough time to cook different kinds of food
forthemselves
Correct your spelling
for themselves
 and family.
this
 why many
people
 need a lot of
reasturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 to eat
anythings
Fix the agreement mistake
anything
show examples
 during the day.
that
Capitalize word
That
show examples
 is why, having catering services or even
restarant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 can be
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
job
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
basde
Correct your spelling
based
 on the requaried of the
people
 in the community but it can not be very
pleasent
Correct your spelling
pleasant
 for the employer because they have just focus on their income not their
interest
. in conclusion,
although
 many
people
 may vary
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would say that having
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
rate
 of
interested
Replace the word
interest
show examples
 can be
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
wat
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
 to achieve
desired
Change the article
the desired
show examples
 goal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
Submitted by salehmiri1995 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on developing a more logical and organized structure in your essay. Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and transition smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Including relevant and concrete examples from your own experience can make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce the main point of each paragraph. This will help maintain the reader's understanding and keep the essay's focus sharp.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear overview of both perspectives, which is good for setting the expectation of the reader.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before offering your personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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