IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays more and more museums and art galleries around the world are putting their material contents online. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#museums #art #galleries #world #contents #development
These days lots of historical shows and art studios surrounding the
universal
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Universal
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 are spreading their
work'
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work
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 items through
internet
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the internet
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. How
their
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there
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 are many advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
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this
 new attitude. I think the positive side of
this
 new way
overweigh
Verb problem
outweighs
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 the downside.
To conclude
, in
this
 century a lot of the artists in the world spread their work online.
Although
 these
attendance
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attendances
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have
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has
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good
Add an article
a good
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 side and
black
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a black
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 side ,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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l totally agree with the opinion that
support
Change the verb form
supports
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 these new developments.
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure. Start with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages, and end with a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or arguments to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical mistakes and sentence structure. Using correct language will enhance the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is present and restates your opinion, which helps to summarize your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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