Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Modern world many
of
Change preposition
apply
the
countries Correct article usage
apply
expensing
their own Wrong verb form
expense
people
money for developing Change noun form
people's
sports
and players
to be participating
in Wrong verb form
participate
the
foreign Correct article usage
apply
sports
phenomenon, while
others thinking
Wrong verb form
think
this
money should be spent to enhance their own country
people life
. I entirely Fix the agreement mistake
lives
not
agree Add a missing verb
do not
for
Change preposition
with
this
statement also
will giving
the relevant examples of the Wrong verb form
give
below mentioned
points.
To Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
beginning
with Wrong verb form
begin
this
statement all nations are having
one national game Wrong verb form
have
also
they have the best players
with
for all Change preposition
apply
sports
to encouraging
him for the Wrong verb form
encourage
sports
and participating
Wrong verb form
participate
them
in Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
international Change preposition
apply
sports
like Correct article usage
the Olympic
Olympic
and winning the medal, Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
it
should be a pride of their Correct pronoun usage
which
country
.For instance
, China had a more
population and they won a lot of medals in the Correct word choice
larger
last
Olympic sports
games also
their government
has been managing both of
their economy for public welfare and Change preposition
apply
sports
events.
Simultaneously in each nation governments shall think and take the necessary action about the public beneficial
and economy. Politicians and Replace the word
benefit
government
officials should take
correct Correct your spelling
make
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
how
to enhance the public life structure Change preposition
on how
with
Change preposition
while
also
improving the sports
academy. Every country
Change noun form
country's
government
should make an organization for international sports
academy
and give Fix the agreement mistake
academies
the
training to their qualified Correct article usage
apply
players
.
Eventually
every nation has one national game it is one of their Add a comma
Eventually,
prides
Change the wording
pride
feelings of pride
points of pride
also
the government
should improve and encourage their own country
players
to participate to
Change preposition
in
the
international Correct article usage
apply
sports
. Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
in
the other Change preposition
on
hand
politicians and Add a comma
hand,
government
Add an article
the government
is
Change the verb form
are
full
responsible for the public welfare. They should think Change the adjective
fully
allocate
the funds separately for public Wrong verb form
about allocating
beneficials
and the Correct your spelling
benefits
enhancing
of Replace the word
enhancement
sports
events.Submitted by smsundaram57 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to refine your introduction for clearer understanding. While it's apparent what your stance is, the phrasing is somewhat confusing. Start with a brief and clear introduction stating your opinion straightforwardly.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and is well-developed with relevant examples and explanations. For example, you can further clarify the responsibility of governments toward their citizens’ welfare by giving more detailed and specific examples from various countries.
coherence cohesion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing the main points concisely. Make sure it aligns with your introduction and body paragraphs, restating your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay to better link ideas between and within paragraphs. Transitional phrases and linking words can help with this.
task achievement
Focus on grammatical accuracy and variation in sentence structure. Errors in grammar and awkward phrasing can make it hard for the reader to understand your main points.
task achievement
Your understanding of the topic and the inclusion of an example from China are commendable. It is important to back up your points with specific examples from real-world scenarios, as you have done.
complete response
Your essay covers a wide range of aspects concerning public spending and sports development, showing a good grasp of the multiple dimensions of the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.