IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#countries #aid #hasn’t #poverty #nations
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Rich
nations
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 are providing financial and economic help to non-developed
countries
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,
however
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,
this
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 assistance provided is not reflected in the life conditions of the society,
therefore
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, another kind of help should be extended in
order
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 to reach real changes.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with the statement provided above, as many rich
countries
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, usually, provide financial aid just to collect the interest generated and to have influence over non-developed
countries
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. On top of that, if rich
nations
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 want to help generate real changes in the poor
countries
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, they should work to provide other kinds of solutions to resolve the core issues that third
countries
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 face,
such
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 as corruption and poverty.
To begin
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 with, as I mentioned before, rich
nations
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 only lend financial resources with two main aims, get interest payments and have political control over the poor
countries
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. A classic example of
this
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 is
U.S.
Correct article usage
the U.S.
show examples
 lending money through different institutions
such
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 as
IMF
Correct article usage
the IMF
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 and World Bank.
For instance
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, these international institutions lent financial aid to Argentina many times,
however
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, the
country
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 remains as usual since they never worked in accordance to improve the
country
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. The main aims were to get the interest payments over the
overall
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 percentage (For risk conditions) and to have control over the economic policies within the
country
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.
Moreover
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, in
order
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 to generate real and significant changes, another type of help should be provided by developed
countries
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. It would be more positive for everyone if rich
nations
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 provided poor
countries
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 with measures
such
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 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 commercial deals in
order
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 to generate an increase in their international commerce, real investments to exploit natural resources in
order
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 to generate more job positions, and transparency controls and controllers to avoid future scenarios of corruption.
For instance
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, if the IMF lend money to Argentina to develop lithium companies in the northern part of the
country
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, it would generate a real benefit for both parties, as Argentina can develop and generate extra jobs and revenues and the IMF can get their money back easily.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay agrees with the idea
that is
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 needed to provide more than financial aid to third
countries
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 in
order
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 to notice a real impact on their societies and economies.
Submitted by tomasmutilva99 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you vary your sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability. Consider combining shorter sentences to form more complex structures.
task achievement
Clarify some points with specific examples where needed, ensuring that each main idea is thoroughly explored and backed up with evidence. For example, the statement about generating more job positions could be elaborated on with statistics or case studies.
coherence cohesion
Take care to proofread your essay for minor errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity. Examples include 'remains as usual' which could be better phrased as 'remains largely unchanged.'
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear and well-structured argument, with a strong introduction and a logical conclusion that effectively summarize the main points.
task achievement
The main points are well-chosen and relevant to the topic, with specific examples used to support the argument, such as the example of Argentina and the IMF.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial aid
  • development aid
  • sustainable development
  • economic growth
  • vocational training
  • poverty alleviation
  • infrastructure development
  • trade and investment
  • healthcare initiatives
  • technological transfers
  • corruption and governance
  • effective utilization
  • long-term solutions
  • economic disparity
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