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Band 6.5

Today, there are more men's than women's sports on TV. Why? Should TV channels give equal time for women's and men's sports?

#men #women #sports #tv #channels #time
In
this
 modern world, the forms of entertainment, especially
sport
, have been on the rise in many parts of the world.
This
 sparks a debate about the amount of
time
 men’s
sports
 on air is higher than that of the other gender.
This
 essay will list out some potential reasons and suggest no difference made with the amount of
time
. Granted, male
sports
 are more popular and dominant than others. A compelling reason is that playing
sports
 requires much strength, which is correlated with the personality and physical state of men.
Furthermore
, the stereotype between the two genders, which is heavy activities are designed for men
while
 light ones are for women,
also
 goes with
this
 reason. Soccer,
for instance
, is considered as king
sport
 and has the biggest quantity of fans in the world, captivating the attention of all
sport
-lovers and leading to the assumptions of the significant position of males in
this
 type of entertainment. Given that there is a disparity in the showing
time
 between each gender, I believe that TV channels should not adjust to make equality. Making way for more
time
 for female
sports
 means that there will be a cut in male ones.
This
 could raise protests among those whose
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
sports
 are eliminated.
Additionally
, there will be less promotion or reward for those who are not on air, causing a missing talent recognition and preservation.
Sport
 should be based on fair spirit and the least
favored
Change the spelling
favoured
show examples
 one should be in the displacement with the nature of
time
. In conclusion, the primary reason why there is a gap in the
sport
 showing
time
 could be the stereotype of the male physical health compatible with the
sport
.
However
, no adjustment should be made in terms of dividing the on-air
time
.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the topic well and addresses both parts of the question, showing a good understanding of the issue. However, to make your arguments stronger, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to support your main points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly disrupt the flow of your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure and seek to improve your use of cohesive devices to make your writing smoother and more natural.
introduction
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and main points that will be discussed in the essay. This sets a good foundation for the reader.
logical structure
You have a logical structure with separate paragraphs for each of your main points, making it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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