Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individuals can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?
Some
people
argue that the state can bring alot
of changes in the locality Correct your spelling
a lot
while
others believe that specific
person can do it as well. Correct article usage
a specific
This
essay will discuss on
why Change preposition
apply
i
agree that only Change the capitalization
I
government
can amend Correct article usage
the government
such
situation
for its persons.
Correct article usage
a situation
Firstly
, alot
of revenue is collected by the Correct your spelling
a lot
government
that is
taken back to the society in form of cheap cost
to the Fix the agreement mistake
costs
commondities
used in our Correct your spelling
communities
day to day
life. Add a hyphen
day-to-day
This
helps everyone despite of
their Change preposition
apply
economical
status because they can afford anything they need. Replace the word
economic
for instance
, a study conducted at the University of Nairobi in 2000 on impact
of the Add an article
the impact
government
on economy
showed that it played a vital role towards making goods and services available and accessible to everyone. Add an article
the economy
Thus
, individuals look upon
the authority to offer assistance to them.
Change preposition
to
In addition
, there are set
rules and regulations set to govern how Verb problem
apply
people
should live and relate with each other. If one does not follow them, they qualify to be arrested for breaking the law. This
helps the society to live together in peace and harmony as well as
reduce cases of insecurities
. All those who ensure the rules are followed to the Fix the agreement mistake
insecurity
latter
are paid by the Correct your spelling
letter
government
and this
helps every person equally. Further
, if it was for people
to initiate the same, there would be no funds to cover for
all the expenses for the employees. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, this
means that only the government
can save its people
.
In conclusion, despite many people
thinking that they can
can help each other, the Verb problem
apply
government
has a vital role to offer
help to everyone Change preposition
in offering
due to
the availabilty
of funds which many Correct your spelling
availability
people
do not have.Submitted by janenjeru6 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, but there are areas to improve for better flow and clarity. For example, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay question.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your ideas. While you have included some examples, more specific and detailed examples would better support your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, pay close attention to grammar and punctuation. Correcting small errors will help your points to be more easily understood.
task achievement
Be mindful of vocabulary and phrasing. Some phrases can be refined for more academic tone, such as 'a lot' to 'a significant amount' or 'amend such situation' to 'effect meaningful changes'.
task achievement
The essay clearly takes a stance and answers the question directly, providing a solid base for the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly identified and effectively frame the essay's argument, giving it a complete structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example