IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write a 250-word essay for the topic: Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#topic #people #advertisements #children
Advertisements
 focused on
children
 ought to be halted, as deemed by a large number of people. I completely agree with the given statement because adverts have profound effects on
children
's choices related to materialistic items
as well as
 food. Primarily, the first and foremost reason to ban
children focused
Add a hyphen
children-focused
show examples
advertisements
 is the alteration in preferences of goods among
children
. To justify, since most of the adverts are depicted in an engaging way,
children
 get enticed by them and
adament
Correct your spelling
adamant
to purchase
Change preposition
about purchasing
show examples
such
 items. To satisfy
children
, parents
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
resorted to
buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 these items. An electronic car,
for example
, is being purchased by many parents as their
children
 see these cars in the
advertisements
.
Therefore
, parents end up spending unnecessary money on these materials.
In addition
 to
this
, another reason to favour the banning of adverts is the adoption of unhealthy food practices.
This
 is because
children
's eating patterns have been changing after encountering interesting eatables through
advertisements
.
Not to mention
, these foods are available either
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 attractive discounts or amazing offers which tends to
attarct
Correct your spelling
attract
 the attention of
children
.
For instance
, had the
McDonald
Change noun form
McDonald's
show examples
 Company not offered the burger with free
pepsi
Change the capitalization
Pepsi
show examples
,
children
 would not
get
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 lured by
this
 attractive offer. In conclusion, owing to
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the appalling effects on
children
's preferences related to materialistic goods and food, I believe that
advertisements
 aimed at
children
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be banned.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task response
Ensure your argument is clearly demonstrated with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammatical issues and typos like 'adament' which should be 'adamant,' and ensure clarity.
task response
Provide a clear counter-argument to demonstrate deeper analytical thinking and present a well-rounded perspective.
task response
The essay presents a clear and logical argument.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is well-organized with a proper introduction and conclusion.
task response
The supporting points are well elaborated, showcasing detailed reasoning.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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