The chart below shows the number of travelers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.

The chart below shows the number of travelers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.
The bar chart depicts how many visitors selected three airports, namely
J
.
F
.
Kennedy
, La
Guardia
and
Newark
in New York City over a 5-year timescale starting from 1995 to 2000. Broadly,
while
the number of tourists of La
Guardia
,
Newark
exhibited consistent upward trajectories, that of
J
.
F
.
Kennedy
witnessed a completely opposite pattern throughout the entire duration. La
Guardia
, notably, was by far the most widespread
Fix the agreement mistake
visitor
show examples
visitors
Fix the agreement mistake
visitor
show examples
in its airports. From the outset in 1995, the figure of passengers of La
Guardia
was the highest, accounting for roughly 35
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, which was in the region of 10
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
higher than that of
J
.
F
.
Kennedy
.
Thereafter
,
while
the number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
choosing LaGuardia experienced a rapid increase, peaking at close to 68
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
, that of
J
.
F
.
Kennedy
registered a significant rise to about 48
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
until the year 1997 and a slight decline to approximately 33
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in the year 1999. Fortunately, the number of visitors selected
J.
Change preposition
by J.
show examples
F
.
Kennedy
gathered pace and made a recovery to around 45
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in 2000. Commencing from 1995, approximately 15
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
passengers
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
their interest in
Newark
, hitting the lowest point in the initial year, after which it witnessed a
sharly
Correct your spelling
sharp
rise to around 38
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
in 1997. During the following 3 years from 1998 to 2000, there was a stable trend in the data of tourists using
Newark
, remaining steady
Change preposition
at
show examples
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
40
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words j, f, kennedy, guardia, newark, millions with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: