IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You have been doing some voluntary work to help your local community. However, now you are unable to continue doing this work. Write a letter to the manager of the organisation where you have been working. In your letter -Describe the work you have been doing -Explain why you can no longer do this work -Recommend another person who is interested in the work

#work #community #manager #organisation #-describe #-explain #-recommend #person
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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 letter to bring
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
 attention that I am not able to do voluntary work at Vinnies Shop from next week on the 15 of June. Let me start by saying that I have been working as a sales attendant for two years and have had a pleasant time with the team.
In addition
, I have brought exceptional customer service and offered new promotions to the customers. Despite the great customer service that I bring, I received an employment offer from Apple. After I checked the contract, I decided to start with them because it is one of the most remarkable companies around the globe.
This
 passion for bringing support to others is with my family.
Due to
this
 reason, I can refer my sister who is looking for an opportunity to support our community and she is able to start next week during the morning and afternoon at the weekend. I consider that she has a lot of skills to bring to the non-profit business. I hope you will take
this
 into consideration and please do not hesitate to contact me to discuss
this
further
. Yours faithfully, Claudia Patino
Submitted by klaudia2301 on

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task achievement
You could elaborate a bit more on the specific contributions you made. Explaining how you brought exceptional customer service and offered new promotions would add depth.
task achievement
Ensure that you mention clearly the date you are stopping the work and not just next week. A bit more detail, such as mentioning understanding or thanking the manager for their support, could add completeness.
suitable writing tone
Use formal language throughout the letter. The sentence 'I received an employment offer from Apple' could be rephrased to make it sound more formal. For example: 'I have recently received a job offer from Apple, which I have decided to accept.'
coherence cohesion
You have structured the letter logically and coherently, addressing each required point clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your letter has a suitable beginning and closing which fits well with the formal tone required.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph focuses on a single idea, which makes your letter easy to read and understand.
suitable writing tone
Your tone is polite and appropriate for the context, which enhances the effectiveness of your letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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