IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others feel that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #zoos #impact
Nowadays, we have
nemurous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 graceful
cyties
Correct your spelling
cities
 or even megalopolises, which were
erracted
Correct your spelling
erected
retracted
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago – in
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
show examples
,
18th
Correct word choice
and 18th
show examples
centures
Correct your spelling
centuries
 or even earlier. Unfortunately, a fair amount of them
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
unsutable
Correct your spelling
unsuitable
unstable
 and inconvenient to live in just because being built and adapted for those
prechistoric
Correct your spelling
prehistoric
pre-historic
 times.
As a consequence
,
this
 does result in a list of problems. First of all, the main conspicuous issue is the
defficency
Correct your spelling
deficiency
efficiency
 or lack of free space, which is incredibly important for improving the infrastructure or adding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new things. Speaking about fietspadths, citizens today, frequently prefer taking electric scooters or bikes to cars or even
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pablic
Correct your spelling
public
 transport.
As a result
, we need more bike paths.
Consequently
, more additional room is needed for
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
show examples
 them, which the experts have no idea where it can be obtained from. Almost the same with the pedestrian areas and roads. There were
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 so many people in the past.
Therefure
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, it was unnecessary to create broad roads with wide sidewalks.
For
this
 reason, those cities are usually
overcroweded
Correct your spelling
overcrowded
, especially, in the
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
Thus
, there is no way to go quicker in the rush time if you wish. Another problem is not
enogh
Correct your spelling
enough
 room for cars; large-scale traffic jams are the consequence.
This
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 turn, leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immodarate
Correct your spelling
immoderate
 air pollution from automobile exhaust gases; it is quite hard to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
properely
Correct your spelling
properly
. One of the
solusions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 can be closing the historical
terretoris
Correct your spelling
territories
territory
 for cars, except
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
, deep evening and early morning,
then
 allowing the locals to drive and move around.
However
, the
officiels
Correct your spelling
officials
 should keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport for the citizens.
As a result
, it will give the extra place for bicycles, electro scooters etc. and likely make the air fresher.
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay does a good job of identifying and introducing the topic, but it lacks a clear conclusion. A concluding paragraph summarizing your main points and stating your final opinion would strengthen your essay considerably.
relevant specific examples
While you have presented several main points well, some of your ideas lack specific examples to support them. Providing more concrete examples will make your arguments more convincing.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are several minor spelling and grammatical errors throughout your essay. Editing your work for these small mistakes will enhance readability and coherence.
complete response
You identify several issues effectively and lay out the problems connected to historical city infrastructures well. However, your argument will benefit from presenting potential solutions more clearly and thoroughly.
complete response
Your essay addresses the problem of historical city infrastructures being outdated and inconvenient very effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have identified key issues like the lack of space for modern infrastructure, congestion, and pollution clearly.
logical structure
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • breeding programs
  • wildlife reserves
  • animal behavior
  • psychological stress
  • ethical considerations
  • captivity
  • moral questions
  • animal welfare
  • educational resources
  • community engagement
  • economic impact
  • revenue
  • sanctuaries
  • natural habitats
  • virtual reality
  • digital platforms
  • exploitation
  • neglect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: