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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more children are accessing the internet unsupervised at a younger age. This can sometimes put children at risk. What problems do you think parents face when dealing with their children and how can that problem be solved

#children #internet #age #risk #parents #face
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In an era dominated by
technology
,
children
 increasingly are gaining access to the internet at younger ages, often without proper supervision. It allows
children
 to
exposes
Wrong verb form
be exposed
show examples
 to potential
risks
such
 as browsing inappropriate
websites
 and online predators. To tackle these problems,
parents
 can employ a multifaceted approach involving education, communication and
technology
 tools. One of the primary challenges parent faces is ensuring that their child understands the potential
risks
 associated with unsupervised internet access and
also
 utilising
technology
 tools to block unsafe
websites
. Browsing
such
websites
 can easily expose your privacy and identity, people can use your identification for criminal activity. It is not a surprise to see news about stealing someone's digital identity and personal information for online shopping or worse, committing crimes.
Therefore
, having open and honest communication between
children
 is essential.
Parents
 should establish a trusting relationship with their
children
, encouraging them to approach them with any concerns and encounters they face.
Hence
,
children
 will not seek help online from strangers and expose themselves to online predators. There was a news in Korea about a young girl
was
Correct pronoun usage
who was
show examples
 being threatened by her “online boyfriend”, to send him naked photos of her, those photos were opened to the public to view, and the girl committed suicide afterwards. In conclusion, without supervision when using the internet,
parents
 should be more aware of the potential
risks
 that their juveniles face,
such
 as visiting inappropriate
websites
 and online predators.
Parents
 should educate their youngest about the potential
risks
 of visiting unsafe
websites
, utilise
technology
 tools for cyber security and
also
, build a trusty relationship among the family for better communication.
Submitted by nataliewong313 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
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task achievement
Effective use of specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your essay, providing a clear overview and summarization of your argument.
task achievement
Good job on addressing the task's requirements by discussing both problems and solutions.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unsupervised
  • put children at risk
  • problems
  • dealing with
  • lack of awareness
  • online risks
  • monitoring
  • invasion of privacy
  • online addiction
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • proper guidance
  • digital literacy skills
  • time management
  • parental involvement
  • education
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