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Band 1

Q. Some people say that school children should learn how to grow food and cook with it in their lessons. What is your opinion about that?

#q #people #school #children #food #cook #lessons
Kids and students should be taught how to plant
food
 and cook it in their school lessons that's what some people
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree with people who said that.
However
, kids should learn only the easy things for their safety .  It
is commonly believe
Change the verb form
is commonly believed
show examples
 that children should learn how to plant
food
 and cook it, because it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
planting
food
 is
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
 really valuable for the earth and to have fresh
food
 and cooking help the children to be independent.
On the other hand
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are some people
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
 against that
Submitted by ryalhamdan on

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task achievement
This essay partially addresses the task, but it lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, clearly articulate your stance in the introduction and summarize your main points in a concise conclusion.
task achievement
While the essay provides some reasons supporting the teaching of food growing and cooking, it could be enhanced by providing more detailed and relevant examples. Consider including examples or case studies to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay could be improved. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea supported by detailed explanations or examples. Additionally, the transition between ideas should be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Work on your language accuracy and clarity. For example, replace 'it have' with 'it has' and 'commonly believe' with 'commonly believed.' Avoid simple mistakes to make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay captures the core of the task by considering both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You have included some valid points about the benefits of teaching children to grow food and cook, such as promoting independence and environmental benefits.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutritional education
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Life skills
  • Curriculum
  • Extracurricular
  • Sustainability
  • Organic gardening
  • Culinary skills
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Agricultural knowledge
  • Food literacy
  • Home economics
  • Hands-on learning
  • Sustainable farming
  • Kitchen facilities
  • Environmental stewardship
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