Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that reducing the gap between the rich and the poor is the best way to live more joyful. In

this

is essay,

however

, I will challenge the school of thought. Granted, small difference in learning can confer various benefits, especially for the poorer.

First,

thi

this

can decrease the number of crime who embark on a

life

of crime because of poverty.

Moreover

this

meansure may minimize the outrage in society that both candidates get the same opportunity in many fields

such

as : education, job,.. there will no longer be a case which the rich are given priority in services as :medical treatment, education, shopping,...

however

, the line of reasoning is not sound because of the rate of happiness cannot be assessed base on money. To add

further

credence to my assersion, I note the root cause of the happy society is the respect. Nowadays the gap between rich and poor is so large that poor people have self-depreciation about themselves, so they do not achieve better

life

this

approve that increasing respect between social classes will have us live more happily.

In addition

, the other way to enhance the citizens's

life

is that government can develop the facilities for all dwellers to improve both physical and mental health so that they can receive high

life

quality which boost their dopamine. In conclusion,it is a mistake to assume that lessening the disproportion between two different classes in society is the best way to create happier because the key to tackle the problem is to enrich better behavior and

life

standards.

Submitted by tôi yêu ielts on Thu Jun 20 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly states your position in relation to the question asked, highlighting what your essay will cover briefly.

task achievement

Make your main points clearer and ensure they are easy to follow, supporting them with specific examples or evidence.

task achievement

Refine your conclusion to succinctly summarize your arguments and position, reinforcing your essay's overall discussion.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea per paragraph, and use appropriate transition phrases to link your arguments logically.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer language when transitioning between ideas and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which give a good structure to the essay.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic and covers some relevant points regarding the income gap and its potential connection to societal happiness.

task achievement

You have attempted to provide a balanced argument by acknowledging the potential benefits of reducing the income gap before challenging this viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

With the rise of the internet more and more people are getting their news from social media platforms. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In many countries nowadays, more and more women have full-time jobs as men, so there is logic that men and women should share the housework tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that as nuclear technology threatens the peace of the world, it should be restricted.

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leiure activity in many countries for young adults. Why is this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Others think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.