Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Some people think that reducing the gap between the rich and the poor is the best way to live more joyful. In

this

Linking Words

is essay,

however

Linking Words

, I will challenge the school of thought. Granted, small difference in learning can confer various benefits, especially for the poorer.

First,

Linking Words

thi

this

Linking Words

can decrease the number of crime who embark on a

life

Use synonyms

of crime because of poverty.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

meansure may minimize the outrage in society that both candidates get the same opportunity in many fields

such

Linking Words

as : education, job,.. there will no longer be a case which the rich are given priority in services as :medical treatment, education, shopping,...

however

Linking Words

, the line of reasoning is not sound because of the rate of happiness cannot be assessed base on money. To add

further

Linking Words

credence to my assersion, I note the root cause of the happy society is the respect. Nowadays the gap between rich and poor is so large that poor people have self-depreciation about themselves, so they do not achieve better

life

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

approve that increasing respect between social classes will have us live more happily.

In addition

Linking Words

, the other way to enhance the citizens's

life

Use synonyms

is that government can develop the facilities for all dwellers to improve both physical and mental health so that they can receive high

life

Use synonyms

quality which boost their dopamine. In conclusion,it is a mistake to assume that lessening the disproportion between two different classes in society is the best way to create happier because the key to tackle the problem is to enrich better behavior and

life

Use synonyms

standards.

Submitted by tôi yêu ielts on Thu Jun 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure your introduction clearly states your position in relation to the question asked, highlighting what your essay will cover briefly.

task achievement

Make your main points clearer and ensure they are easy to follow, supporting them with specific examples or evidence.

task achievement

Refine your conclusion to succinctly summarize your arguments and position, reinforcing your essay's overall discussion.

coherence cohesion

Organize your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea per paragraph, and use appropriate transition phrases to link your arguments logically.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer language when transitioning between ideas and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which give a good structure to the essay.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic and covers some relevant points regarding the income gap and its potential connection to societal happiness.

task achievement

You have attempted to provide a balanced argument by acknowledging the potential benefits of reducing the income gap before challenging this viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two maps illustrate the current layout of southwest airport and the plans for next year’s construction.
7
band
Giving lectures in halls to large numbers of people is an outdated method of teaching. With the technology available today there is no justification for it, and everything should be done online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays giving live lectures in large halls is considered to be an old-fashioned method by some people since improvement in the availability of technology in all aspects of our lives has shrunk the need for physical lectures. I completely agree with the aforementioned statement due to the fact that the online learning process is more customized according to the students' needs and does not require physical attendance which makes it an even more preferable option among people.
5.5
band
More and more adults are playing computer games Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?
Nowadays, video games are popular among adults more than before. In my opinion, playing video games helps them to relief. I am also convinced that playing is a positive development because is enhances their creativity.
8.5
band
Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In this contemporary epoch, the idea of using other renewable sources of power has been gaining ground recently. While proponents hold the view that this trend has a plethora of merits for the environment, other opponents have a diverse perspective. I believe that utilizing clean sources of energy is the panacea for many environmental and health issues.
7.5
band
Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
These days, a vast number of patients tend to use alternative medicines and treatments as opposed to going to their doctors. While there are some benefits associated with traditional ways of treatment, I believe that the main drawbacks are more substantial.

Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier societies is to ensure that they are only small difference in earning between the richest and the poorest members to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The plans below show the site of an airport now and how it will look after redevelopment next year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Giving lectures in halls to large numbers of people is an outdated method of teaching. With the technology available today there is no justification for it, and everything should be done online. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more adults are playing computer games Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Fossil fuel is the main source of energy. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is encouraged. To what extent do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?