Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that it is safer to ban dangerous
sports
,
while
there
still
Add a missing verb
are still
show examples
some reservations that athletes should have
Correct article usage
the rights
show examples
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
to go for any
sports
they want. From
this
writer's perspective, I wholly believe that it is better for them to make decisions on any activities they are keen on.
This
essay will expound upon
this
by giving compelling reasons and practical examples. On the one hand, it is undeniable that banning unsafety
sports
has several benefits.
Firstly
, if it is impossible to play these
sports
, athletes could avoid injury.
Therefore
, they may live economically
due to
saving a huge cost of curing
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
accidents when playing dangerous
sports
.
For instance
, one of the greatest soccer
players
of all time, called Messi was injured in recent years and it compromised
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his walking ability;
furthermore
, he had to spend a large amount of money to cure his broken leg.
On the other hand
, there are tons of activities that play an indispensable role in daily life. Specifically, dangerous
sports
instill
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instil
show examples
in them a sense of responsibility and discipline.
Thus
, from their maturing experience they learned, they might easily face problems without giving up, which leads to comfortable accomplishing challenges. An example relevant to
this
situation is playing basketball could cause
players
' ankles to be twisted;
however
,
according to
the newest report, most
players
are responsible for that kind of accident, and never
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
up,
along with
investing all of their effort to contribute to achieving game-winners. In conclusion,
although
people who support banning unsafety
sports
have their own understandable arguments, I totally lean on the side of those who think everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the right to decide to do any activities, as long as that
sports
Change the determiner
sport
show examples
is controllable, it is beneficial to
players
such
as
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
in them a sense of responsibility, getting used to facing challenges and dealing with problems more easily.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction is concise and introduces both sides of the argument, but it could be clearer in outlining the structure of your essay to increase coherence. Consider mentioning the main points you will discuss in your body paragraphs.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, you provide relevant examples which is excellent. However, try to elaborate further on how these examples directly support your main arguments. This will help to increase your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay's transition between ideas and paragraphs is generally good, but occasionally the flow of your argument can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows on from the previous one, adding cohesive devices where necessary.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reiterates your main opinion clearly and succinctly, effectively summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
You have a strong range of vocabulary and use it effectively, particularly in articulating your opinion and examples.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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