Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals are of the opinion that it is safer to ban dangerous
sports
, while
there still
some reservations that athletes should have Add a missing verb
are still
Correct article usage
the rights
rights
to go for any Fix the agreement mistake
right
sports
they want. From this
writer's perspective, I wholly believe that it is better for them to make decisions on any activities they are keen on. This
essay will expound upon this
by giving compelling reasons and practical examples.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that banning unsafety sports
has several benefits. Firstly
, if it is impossible to play these sports
, athletes could avoid injury. Therefore
, they may live economically due to
saving a huge cost of curing from
accidents when playing dangerous Change preposition
apply
sports
. For instance
, one of the greatest soccer players
of all time, called Messi was injured in recent years and it compromised on
his walking ability; Change preposition
apply
furthermore
, he had to spend a large amount of money to cure his broken leg.
On the other hand
, there are tons of activities that play an indispensable role in daily life. Specifically, dangerous sports
instill
in them a sense of responsibility and discipline. Change the spelling
instil
Thus
, from their maturing experience they learned, they might easily face problems without giving up, which leads to comfortable accomplishing challenges. An example relevant to this
situation is playing basketball could cause players
' ankles to be twisted; however
, according to
the newest report, most players
are responsible for that kind of accident, and never giving
up, Wrong verb form
give
along with
investing all of their effort to contribute to achieving game-winners.
In conclusion, although
people who support banning unsafety sports
have their own understandable arguments, I totally lean on the side of those who think everyone have
the right to decide to do any activities, as long as that Change the verb form
has
sports
is controllable, it is beneficial to Change the determiner
sport
players
such
as instill
in them a sense of responsibility, getting used to facing challenges and dealing with problems more easily.Change the spelling
instil
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is concise and introduces both sides of the argument, but it could be clearer in outlining the structure of your essay to increase coherence. Consider mentioning the main points you will discuss in your body paragraphs.
task achievement
In your body paragraphs, you provide relevant examples which is excellent. However, try to elaborate further on how these examples directly support your main arguments. This will help to increase your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The essay's transition between ideas and paragraphs is generally good, but occasionally the flow of your argument can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows on from the previous one, adding cohesive devices where necessary.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion reiterates your main opinion clearly and succinctly, effectively summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
You have a strong range of vocabulary and use it effectively, particularly in articulating your opinion and examples.