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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Computer games are very popular for all ages and nationalities. Parents think this has little educational value and it will be harmful for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #ages #nationalities #parents #value #children
Computer
games
 are really famous for all children and adults in numerous
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Nevertheless
, mothers and fathers
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
 to them that computer
games
 contain some bad values. In my opinion, I agree with what some parents think about
comutrer
Correct your spelling
computer
games
,
however
, it seems to me that it has some
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.  There are two main reasons why I agree with fathers and mothers who
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that computer
games
 are harmful. The first reason is that some kids are always busy with it
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their whole day. The other reason
that is
 some children get to know new bad online friends and copy their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. Apart from the benefit I believe that,
Submitted by ryalhamdan on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt. You should expand your discussion on the potential benefits and harms of computer games with more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction presents your stance, you need to provide a conclusion to summarize your arguments. Additionally, make sure to complete your thoughts and provide more exhaustive reasoning.
task achievement
You should include more supporting details and examples to bolster your arguments. This will help in making your essay more convincing.
task achievement
The introductory paragraph gives a clear indication of your stance, which is a positive aspect.
coherence cohesion
Your language is generally clear and understandable, despite some minor grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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