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Band 5.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #whilw #factors #money #appearance
Correct pronoun usage
Some
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It
Correct pronoun usage
Some
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 would
be argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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Change preposition
apply
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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that in order to succeed in life,
one
 must have perseverance and a strong sense of purpose,
while
 others think that wealth and physical features are more worthwhile in achieving success. In my opinion, it takes a lot of hard work and
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
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 to be able to triumph in
this
 wicked world. On
one
 hand, there
are
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is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of reasons why some believe that working hard and having a strong desire and
vigor
Change the spelling
vigour
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 in every work they do will lead to achieving their goals and aspirations in
this
 life.
One
 reason is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 not everyone
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 fortunate enough to be able to acquire a degree in college that will help them land a job in the future, but with a strong desire and diligence,
one
 will most likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
attain his target plan and purpose. Another reason is that,
while
 some may be gifted with pleasing outward
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, others are not. Jackie Chan,
for instance
, does not possess the standard physical appearance of an actor but ended
to be
Change preposition
up being
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 a very successful and
best known
Add a hyphen
best-known
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 action-comedy star in
hollywood
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Hollywood
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. Other people might
disgaree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 and say that a person must have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
physical
Change the word
physically
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good looking
Add a hyphen
good-looking
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 appearance in order to succeed in life.
Additionally
, some individuals believe that their success are
results
Fix the agreement mistake
result
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 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 having a great deal of money, resources, or assets in
this
 world. In conclusion,
although
 some people think that having good looks and being rich most likely contribute to the
accomplishments
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishment
show examples
 of an aim or purpose, I personally believe that having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tenacity and diligence are the most important ones.
Submitted by deeriz853 on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion and both views are explored, but you should aim to develop each point more fully to deepen your argument. Adding more specific examples and fleshing out your ideas can enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
While the structure of your essay is logical, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Working on linking phrases and creating seamless connections between your points will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.
task achievement
Using an example like Jackie Chan is effective in illustrating your point and makes your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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