Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #work #determination #whilw #factors #money #appearance

Correct pronoun usage

Some

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

Some

show examples

would

be argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Fix the agreement mistake

apply

show examples

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

that in order to succeed in life,

one

must have perseverance and a strong sense of purpose,

while

others think that wealth and physical features are more worthwhile in achieving success. In my opinion, it takes a lot of hard work and

will power

Correct your spelling

willpower

show examples

to be able to triumph in

this

wicked world. On

one

hand, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

number

Change the article

a number

the number

show examples

of reasons why some believe that working hard and having a strong desire and

vigor

Change the spelling

vigour

show examples

in every work they do will lead to achieving their goals and aspirations in

this

life.

One

reason is that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

not everyone

was

Wrong verb form

show examples

fortunate enough to be able to acquire a degree in college that will help them land a job in the future, but with a strong desire and diligence,

one

will most likely

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

attain his target plan and purpose. Another reason is that,

while

some may be gifted with pleasing outward

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, others are not. Jackie Chan,

for instance

, does not possess the standard physical appearance of an actor but ended

to be

Change preposition

up being

show examples

a very successful and

best known

Add a hyphen

best-known

show examples

action-comedy star in

hollywood

Change the capitalization

Hollywood

show examples

. Other people might

disgaree

Correct your spelling

disagree

and say that a person must have

the

Correct article usage

show examples

physical

Change the word

physically

show examples

good looking

Add a hyphen

good-looking

show examples

appearance in order to succeed in life.

Additionally

, some individuals believe that their success are

results

Fix the agreement mistake

result

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

having a great deal of money, resources, or assets in

this

world. In conclusion,

although

some people think that having good looks and being rich most likely contribute to the

accomplishments

Fix the agreement mistake

accomplishment

show examples

of an aim or purpose, I personally believe that having

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tenacity and diligence are the most important ones.

Submitted by deeriz853 on Fri Jun 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay provides a balanced discussion and both views are explored, but you should aim to develop each point more fully to deepen your argument. Adding more specific examples and fleshing out your ideas can enhance your response.

coherence cohesion

While the structure of your essay is logical, some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Working on linking phrases and creating seamless connections between your points will improve coherence.

coherence cohesion

You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes your essay easy to follow.

task achievement

Using an example like Jackie Chan is effective in illustrating your point and makes your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
You are a member of organisation which meets regularly at a particular restaurant. The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory, and you were very disappointed with the quality of the food and the behaviour of the staff· Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. Explain what was wrong with the meal and the service, and suggest what he/she should do to ensure that you and your group return to the restaurant. You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write your own address. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir /Madam,
The reason I am writing to you is to express my concerns about recent issues in the restaurant.
5
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Science is considerably a part of human lives and always developing day by day. People are expecting it should be able to improve human life. I strongly agree with this statement that promoting our lives is one of the science important purposes.
5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? -> google places
Humans are becoming more curious about the places they live in, and they started to do some search to find out the historical past about those places. The main reasons of this are internet and slow-living trends in society. In order to learn about those phyical surroundings, individuals can ask older neighbours about the past they know.
<4
band
in spite of the many advances women have made in eduction and emplyment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. in your view , what should be donr to promote equality of the opportunity for men and women in the workplace.
the latest issue that commonly found in our social life is about gender equality. nowadays, women can pursue their dream in education and can be employers, but some of them got harrassed by the society because of when they got pay and promoted. some people think that woman fate are housewife, even though they have higher education background, this dogma was getting normalized in the society, because people argue that every job should be done by man.
7
band
Learning English at schools is often seen as more important than local languages. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it more important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure survival of local languages and if so, how?
It is widely believed that prioritizing teaching English at schools, will be more beneficial for the future compared to focusing on local languages. Personally, I strongly disagree with this view for a few reasons.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, whilw others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? -> google places

in spite of the many advances women have made in eduction and emplyment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. in your view , what should be donr to promote equality of the opportunity for men and women in the workplace.

Learning English at schools is often seen as more important than local languages. If these are not taught many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it more important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure survival of local languages and if so, how?