IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people’s
There is no denying that
science
 plays a vital role in human
life
. In fact, I agree that
science
 should be to improve
people
’s
live
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lives
show examples
 for two main reasons. The first reason why
science
 should be able to create
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
life
 is because it can ease
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 in doing activities. To illustrate, many years ago before the discovery of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
,
people
 sent a letter if they wanted to exchange information with others.
This
 method was time-consuming and less effective. Today,
people
 can send
a multiple information
Remove the article
multiple information
a piece of multiple information
show examples
 within a minute or even a second by using their smartphones which are connected to the internet. Another example is that
people
 could save extra
times
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time
show examples
 to travel around the world by using air transportation. Before the discovery of
plane
Fix the agreement mistake
planes
show examples
,
people
 could spend a couple of days
to move
Change the verb form
moving
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 from one region to another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. The second argument is that scientific discoveries could heighten
life
 rate. Several years back,
COVID-19
Correct article usage
the COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic spread around the world. The death rate showed a fantastic number at the beginning as there was no medicine for those who get infected.
However
, the condition gradually improved after some vaccines,
such
 as Sinovac and AstraZeneca
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 discovered.
Although
 it was found that there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of cases which took the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of patients, that was not primarily caused by the vaccines, but because they were not aware
with
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of
show examples
 the rules that should not be avoided,
such
 as not taking enough rest after doing vaccination and consuming the pills given to mollify the side-effects. In conclusion,
science
 could not only ease
human
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humans
show examples
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 doing activities but
also
 give better
life
 expectancy. Having considered the benefits, I have no doubt that
science
 does improve
people
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by alfinkarimah008 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Use more linking phrases to connect ideas and improve flow.
task achievement
Explain your points a bit more thoroughly, perhaps with more examples or detailed analysis.
task achievement
Review and correct minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing for clearer expression.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the prompt and presents two main reasons supporting the viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-organized.
coherence cohesion
Examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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